Sept. 9, 2025

EP95 - Beyond the Stigma: Understanding Bipolar Disorder

EP95 - Beyond the Stigma: Understanding Bipolar Disorder
Season 2

In this special episode of Cryptids, Creeps, and Conspiracy, host Natasha delves into the challenging and often misunderstood world of bipolar disorder. Joined by Kevin from the 'Where the Weird Ones Are' podcast, they explore both their personal experiences and scientific insights into this complex mental health issue. Get ready for an honest conversation filled with valuable information on symptoms, types, and treatments of bipolar disorder, as well as practical advice for supporting loved ones who are affected. Remember, you're not alone in this struggle. Tune in for support, resources, and much-needed awareness. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share to help spread understanding and break the stigma

Click here for merch sites, patreon site, website, to donate, and join me on social media!

Guest Links:

Click here for OUCH! Was that a ghost? Links


Resources:

https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=10216631f0eef49f953b455798cf0c&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=3531&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=bestonlinetherapy20&not_found=1&gor=start  

https://www.regain.us/?transaction_id=10283f21f91668b05910cf3b2b8e92&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=Cappsool+Technologies+LTD&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=%5Baffiliate_source%5D&not_found=1&gor=home  

https://www.dbsalliance.org/  

 https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/supporting-someone-with-bipolar/  

Call 988 in the US

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders/what-are-bipolar-disorders#:~:text=Bipolar%20disorder%20is%20a%20brain,to%20weeks%2C%20called%20mood%20episodes.
 

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WEBVTT

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Thank you for tuning in to Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy Podcasts,

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on the app even though you sign up through the browser.

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So grab your rose colored glasses, skeptical suits, and hold

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on to your butts as we teleport into the realm

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of the CCC podcast. Hope see soon. Welcome back everyone,

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so Peaky's out. Yep, hold on, let me give it

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my Hogwarts cup. I'm probably a slitherin if I had

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to guess, I could be a bit hasty with me again.

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Today is Kevin Where the Weird Ones Are. I know

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that I've had him on a couple times and I

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absolutely love him. He's fantastic. If you want, I'll go ahead,

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since it has been a while since you've been on.

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I'll give you the floor for a little bit. Let

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everybody know who you are, what you do, and where

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they can find you.

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Yeah. Sure, I'm Kevin, host of Where the Weird Ones

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Are Podcast. It's a conversational based podcast around guest experiences

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with paranormal, supernatural spirituality. Mental health is a big thing,

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just because I know that I struggle with it because

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and when you have these kinds of experiences and you're

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not wanting to tell people because you think you're crazy.

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That also leads into the fact of, you know, mental

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distress of some kind. And then conspiracies and conspiracies. There's

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a lot of them that I believe in and a

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lot of them that I don't. Some of them get crazy,

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and when you tend to when you believe in all

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of them that can also lead you down a mental

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health crisis. So yeah, those are all the things that

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I like to talk about on the show. Where you

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can find me is anywhere you get podcasts, also on YouTube,

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and I think I'm going to get back on Rumble,

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but YouTube doesn't really monetize me, which is totally fine.

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I don't do it to be monetized, and I don't

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do it for the listenership. I do it because I

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want to have these conversations and a lot of times

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it helps people in their own.

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Way.

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Just yeah, be able to talk about it in a way.

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I'm here for that. That's what I care about. More so,

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even if I only had one listener, I'd still be

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doing the show.

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That's one thing that I like is because I'm with you.

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I like to be a big advocate for mental health.

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I'm like a mental alphabet soup when you start going

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over everything, I feel is very helpful because there's a

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lot of people that in my life, I'm very open

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and honest about my issues and where I was, and

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that was a very long journey for me to even

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get to where I'm at, and it's going to be

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a struggle for the rest of my life because you

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can't get rid of it. We did leave something out

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in your little spiff. There Are you still doing the

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Hot Sauce gig?

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Oh yeah yeah, Hot Sauce Coffee and supplements. And I

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do a morning show on my YouTube every other Sunday

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in a way to try and promote my coffee. But

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nobody buying the coffee stuff.

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I have all my art and stuff, and actually, so

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for everybody who's watching it, I'm gonna try to put

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the video out for everybody. But I have these little

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skulls that I made nice and I wore them to

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work today and I had so many people that are like, oh,

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I love your ears, and I was like, oh, thanks,

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I make them, and so I was like handing out

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business cards it work, and here's my number. Get a

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hold of me and I'll hook you up. I wanted

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to make sure that we put that out there because

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I definitely want to support everybody's on the show, because

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everybody that I work with is absolutely phenomenal, and as

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much help as I can get, I'm going to try

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to give, so I appreciate it. That being said, with

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the whole advocacy of mental health we're going to dive

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in because I specifically chose you for this topic because

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I know you're such an advocate, and it's just ironically,

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I've had these notes for at least six months, and

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I am We talked a little bit before we started.

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I am going through it. Man, it is a shit storm.

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And I didn't even get a whipped with a poncho

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or an umbrella. I am just out there hanging onto

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that railing while the wind's whipping me around, trying to

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hang on for dear life.

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That's an interesting visual.

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I'm picturing from like Twister when they picked the belt

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and you're like, hang in. That's what I feel like

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right now. So today we're going to cover bipolar disorder.

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I don't know what you've got going on or anything.

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I am bipolar and it's been very difficult because I'm

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the weirdo in the family. Right So my father has issues,

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I think, and but my mom like has anxiety. But

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nobody else in the family has what I have, and

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so I've been broken since birth. I tell everybody I

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was like, I wish my mom would have taken me

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back for a refund because I'm defective, which is not

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the most positive way to look at it. I'm sure

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there's some kind of positive spin on it. I just

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haven't found it yet.

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You're not defective, You're meant to be here.

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It's just it's very difficult. So I figured having this

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out there, there's a lot of people that might have

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it and not realize it. I got misdiagnosed when I

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was younger, and it literally it almost killed me. Yeah,

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because I didn't get the right treatment. So I just

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wanted to throw this out there so we can have

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it and disclaimer ahead of time. A lot of what

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I'm going to talk about, you've got to put into consideration.

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A lot of the people that have this issue don't

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know that they have the issue. They don't see it.

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We don't see it. To us, we know something's wrong,

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but we can't really quite place it. So just extra

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close attention. It might pertain to you and you might

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be like, oh, this all makes sense, but it might

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also pertain to somebody else. So just be aware of

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that that not everybody who has this realizes that they

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have it.

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Yeah, I'll say, emotions are hard to navigate. Anyway you

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can change You can change your emotions fairly quickly. In

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a regular mindset, but bipolar disorder is it's literally a

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switch a lot of times.

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And it gets stuck.

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Yeah, bipolar runs in my family. Okay, so my mom

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has it and my older brother has it. As far

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as I know, I don't I could probably see it

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when I was younger, for sure. I just want to

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say real quick though, as I had an ex girlfriend

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who seemed she seemed great in the beginning, and then

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things started changing. And there was one time we were fighting.

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She was literally screaming at me and we had just

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had the best day ever, and then all of a sudden,

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it was bam, And I was sitting there on the

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couch and I was staring at her screaming at me,

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and I go, do you think that you might be bipolar?

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Just like that. I didn't call her any names anything,

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she just lost her mind.

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Yeah, how can you say that? That's a serious mental disease.

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And I was like, ah, and you should get checked.

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That's why I was like, I'm just asking you. I'm

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not trying to fucking be rude or anything. And then

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it was I ended up having to sleep on the

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couch that night and everything.

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And I will say, as somebody who has it. When

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I was younger, people would be like, oh, yeah, yeah,

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what are you bipolar? And it would it's like a trigger.

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I don't know what it is, but there's just something

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and I think it's because the stigma behind it and

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what people do. So that's one of the reasons I

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want to go through this is it is not what

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most people think it is. And when you say that

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to somebody, it puts that label on them that is

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not at all what they're going through. And we don't

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like to be associated with that, like at all. So

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that might have been part of that little because once

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you get that label, then everybody looks at you different

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for the rest of your life. It's like having that

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scarlet letter or whatever. I walk around with a big

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o'd B.

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Everybody's be careful around that person. You don't want to

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flip that switch.

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I've literally had people cross the street to avoid me.

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Yeah, I could see that.

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Now we're gonna start with some stats before we get

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into some of the stuff. Bipolar disorder affects the brain

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by causing changes in a person's energy, mood, and ability

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to function. These changes take the form of intense emotional

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states that come up during specific periods of days or

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weeks that they refer to as quote unquote mood episodes.

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So you'll hear the word episodes a lot. And episodes

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come either in a manic or a depressive state, which

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is why it's called bipolar. And it's two polar opposites, right,

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So you have the up and then you have the down.

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In theory, we'll get into more about there's some middle gray,

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but that's the main part of it. And people with

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bipolar disorder can experience disruption in relationships, difficulties at work,

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problems in school. Amen. Amen, just saying because again, like

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you said, totally fine, perfect day. I have been medicated

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for going on twelve years. I think I've been doing

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this like Avid, working hard to get better, and I

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still I just did this. My poor boyfriend a couple

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weeks ago. We had an amazing day. It was perfect,

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and then I don't know what happened in my brain,

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but it was like shit exploded for no reason. I

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could not control it, and so it threw into perfect day.

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And eighty to ninety percent of people with the disorder

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actually have a family member with the disorder or depression.

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They didn't mention anxiety as much, but usually it's and

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that's high. That's eighty to ninety per set.

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Everybody has. Everybody has depression.

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Though chronic cases, but everybody at some point in their

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life goes through this.

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Everybody experiences depression at one point or another, or maybe

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several points. Some people have a harder time getting out

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of it, especially bipolar people. They have a harder time

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getting out of their depressive state. Sometimes you see them

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not wanting to do anything.

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And yep, a man.

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Yeah, So I don't know when it comes to medicating

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these things. I'm not one obviously, Yeah, yes, I'm I

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don't know because I don't one believe in modern medication.

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I do, and I if that makes any sense at all,

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it's just because it's just because, like antidepressants, they make

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you more depressed.

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Okay, so fun fact, just so you know, if somebody

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is bipolar and you give that, you try to treat them.

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This is when I told you it almost killed me.

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This is it. I went to get help. They said

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I was just depressed. They put me on only an antidepressant,

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and if you give that to a bipolar person alone,

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it will destroy them. It like amplifies the depression in

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their brain and it doesn't fix anything, It just makes

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it worse.

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Yeah, one of the symptoms of antidepressant and suicidal ideation.

225
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Mm hmmm. So which is ironic.

226
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There's bipolar for one. I don't think. I think bipolar

227
00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:49.480
has always been a thing. I don't think it's new

228
00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:54.600
to society or anything like that and not but I

229
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think everybody should know the symptoms. Believe that's the whole

230
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point of this episode today.

231
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Yep, it's awareness. I feel like you said, it has

232
00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:07.559
been around. It's just that people it either did not

233
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have a label, it didn't have the correct label when

234
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it had one, or people just weren't aware. Like when

235
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I was younger, they wouldn't treat me because they said

236
00:13:17.639 --> 00:13:19.639
it was hormones. I was too young, it was just hormones,

237
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and then it was depressions. It's like they rule everything

238
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else out and they make you run through this ringer

239
00:13:24.200 --> 00:13:27.679
before they finally get to the problem, because it's still

240
00:13:27.720 --> 00:13:30.559
like a Pooh thing. Oh, bipolar is not a thing.

241
00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:32.679
It's a thing and a lot of people have it,

242
00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:34.679
but they it's like they don't want to put that

243
00:13:34.759 --> 00:13:38.639
label on somebody. They'd rather treat them with something else, Yeah,

244
00:13:38.679 --> 00:13:40.559
than to treat the actual disease.

245
00:13:41.159 --> 00:13:46.960
Yeah. I noticed that doctors tend to just feel like

246
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they automatically just think they know everything just because they do.

247
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They know a lot. And I'm not gonna pooh doctors.

248
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I'm just saying they want to They're trying to see

249
00:13:58.519 --> 00:14:01.919
like one hundred people in day and just don't have

250
00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:04.759
the time to sit there and go through everything with you,

251
00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:07.639
which I think is a problem too as well.

252
00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:13.159
Biggest thing too that I've noticed. If you think that

253
00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:18.240
you or someone else is struggling, go to a behavioral

254
00:14:18.279 --> 00:14:22.399
health specialist. Do not go to a primary care doctor.

255
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:25.679
You ask for a specialist. Because I went through all

256
00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:28.759
these doctors and no one did anything. I went to

257
00:14:28.759 --> 00:14:32.519
a behavioral health doctor my first appointment. There were questions

258
00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:34.559
that she asked me, and as soon as she asked

259
00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:36.320
me the question, she goes, I know exactly what's wrong

260
00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:39.200
with you. Let's start treatment, and I immediately started getting better.

261
00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:42.399
I just never was in front of the right person.

262
00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:44.480
So make sure that you go to the right people.

263
00:14:45.559 --> 00:14:48.279
Yeah. Yeah, And I think it's I think it's highly

264
00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:51.639
important for everybody, even if you're not really struggling mentally.

265
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Is to have a therapist or something, even if you

266
00:14:55.960 --> 00:14:59.840
don't see them often. Obviously, once you get into where

267
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you're struggling mentally more often than not, then you want

268
00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.480
to see the therapists a little more often. Yeah, and

269
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just talk about everything. But I think everybody, even if

270
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:13.000
it's just one visit a year or something like that,

271
00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:16.000
like as a mental check in or something like that,

272
00:15:16.120 --> 00:15:17.200
just to be like where am I at?

273
00:15:17.720 --> 00:15:21.279
Yeah, like doing your physical, your annual exam. You just

274
00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:23.120
put it on there, just a touch base. You could

275
00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:24.519
do more if you need to, but you have a

276
00:15:24.519 --> 00:15:26.440
foot in the door. You can keep your therapist. You

277
00:15:26.440 --> 00:15:28.639
don't have to worry about jumping through hoops when you're

278
00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:31.159
already at a point where you need one and then

279
00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:34.720
you're causing more problems stressing out about finding one. So yeah,

280
00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:39.039
definitely put it on your to do list. So Yeah, ironically,

281
00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:40.759
we were just talking about how many people have it.

282
00:15:40.919 --> 00:15:43.559
They say that seven million adults are suffering from it

283
00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:47.159
in the US alone, just the US, and that is

284
00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:47.840
a lot of people.

285
00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:59.039
The US is the United States of anxiety. It's money

286
00:15:59.080 --> 00:16:07.320
time bills. What are my kids gonna be? Okay? If

287
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:11.360
I send them somewhere That's another thing is that like

288
00:16:11.480 --> 00:16:15.639
homeschool has been shunned. You can't do like if you

289
00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:19.120
think something is a better way for you and your family,

290
00:16:19.799 --> 00:16:22.720
the normal society is gonna make you feel like a

291
00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:25.919
crazy person or what you think is normal society.

292
00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:27.840
You don't have kids in the seats, they don't get

293
00:16:27.879 --> 00:16:28.559
as much funding.

294
00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:33.320
And that too, And this is something that I learned too.

295
00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:37.080
This doesn't really have anything to do with mental health.

296
00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:42.399
But if you have a family plot on your land,

297
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:46.399
the government can't come after you for your taxes. They

298
00:16:46.440 --> 00:16:48.679
can't take your land if you don't pay your tax,

299
00:16:48.759 --> 00:16:52.879
your property tax, if you have a family plot, which

300
00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:59.240
is why I think they started doing the the mass graves. Yeah,

301
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:03.720
that too. Yeah, I think that's why they made the

302
00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:08.359
public graveyards so that people weren't burying their dead on

303
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.960
their properties so that they could tax them.

304
00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:14.720
That is so ridiculous. No, but earlier you were talking

305
00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:17.640
about the age, right, yeah, talking about what things go.

306
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:22.680
The average age where symptoms start is twenty five. But

307
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:27.640
from my experience alone, that is just an average. Some

308
00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:30.759
people it's not until they're like close to thirty.

309
00:17:31.640 --> 00:17:35.720
Well, it's hard to tell when they're young because everybody

310
00:17:35.799 --> 00:17:39.960
when they're young go from here to here real real quick.

311
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:42.880
So yeah, and it's just been an ongoing thing for me.

312
00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:48.759
And they do say that the symptoms start later typically

313
00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:53.000
for men than women, so girls will get it sooner.

314
00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:56.480
Typically you'll see more signs than men. But then again

315
00:17:56.519 --> 00:17:57.680
they chalk it up to hormones.

316
00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:03.160
Yeah. I my mom took me to the doctor to

317
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.400
see if I was bipolar when I was like fourteen fifteen.

318
00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:13.240
It was just I was getting into fights. I was

319
00:18:14.039 --> 00:18:17.640
I've had been arrested a few times at that point,

320
00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:23.240
and then again the doctor was just like, I think

321
00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:26.039
he's just depressed, and let's give him some anie depressants.

322
00:18:26.039 --> 00:18:31.200
So I was on antidepressants for a while, and then

323
00:18:31.240 --> 00:18:34.599
I became suicidal. So I'll be honest with you. I

324
00:18:34.599 --> 00:18:38.480
don't know if I've shared this with you, but I've

325
00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:41.920
tried twice. Once when I was nine, once when I

326
00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:48.200
was thirteen. Two different ways. One was I thought cutting

327
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:50.119
would be good, and as soon as I soon as

328
00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:51.839
I saw the blood, I was like, Damn, this fucking hurts.

329
00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:54.440
I don't think I want to do this. Yeah, And

330
00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:57.440
then the second way was through pills, and I ended

331
00:18:57.519 --> 00:18:59.920
up taking I ended up taking a bunch of stools

332
00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:07.079
and I didn't be He didn't tell me, but that's

333
00:19:07.079 --> 00:19:08.720
how I did. And then I freaking woke up the

334
00:19:08.759 --> 00:19:10.599
next morning and I was like, why am I not dead?

335
00:19:10.759 --> 00:19:14.319
And my stomach. I ended up being in the hospital

336
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:18.440
for in twenty four hours because my stomach was all

337
00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:22.400
fucked up. Wow, And then I couldn't play football. So

338
00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:24.559
then I was even more depressed because they took me

339
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:28.799
out of football because of it. But yeah, so we

340
00:19:28.839 --> 00:19:31.319
went to the doctors and my mom's I think he

341
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:34.079
might be bipolar. And he talked to me, asked me

342
00:19:34.119 --> 00:19:36.920
a bunch of questions. He did ask me if I

343
00:19:36.920 --> 00:19:40.160
if I thought about suicide, and I said no, which

344
00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:48.359
was a lie, but he just he prescribed antidepressants. And

345
00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:53.039
I never felt any better on antidepressants. It never did anything.

346
00:19:53.480 --> 00:19:57.400
And we tried three different kinds. Yeah, and so I

347
00:19:57.480 --> 00:19:59.200
just stopped taking him because I felt like I was

348
00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:01.799
getting more atgitated and angry when I was on them.

349
00:20:02.440 --> 00:20:06.279
So I was getting into school fights. And I'm not

350
00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:13.640
blaming blaming the antidepressants on this, but I started freaking

351
00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:19.200
doing illegal shit. Yeah, I had been arrested a few times,

352
00:20:20.519 --> 00:20:25.559
and yeah, so I was I've never been diagnosed with bipolar.

353
00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:29.359
My brother, my older brother has, my mom has, which

354
00:20:29.400 --> 00:20:31.519
I think is why my mom took me. But just

355
00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:35.079
because I could be fine in school one minute and

356
00:20:35.119 --> 00:20:37.839
somebody say something stupid and then I was on top

357
00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:41.680
of them. I think, especially with young men, I think

358
00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:46.680
we're so quick to light that fuse too. It's hard

359
00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:50.920
to it's hard to tell if they're actually bipolar or not,

360
00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:54.880
which is why I think the average diagnosis is, like

361
00:20:54.920 --> 00:20:57.440
what you're saying is twenty five is because you can act,

362
00:20:57.480 --> 00:21:01.000
because in twenty five that's usually you're like starting to

363
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:03.039
calm down. They're supposedly calming down.

364
00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:05.640
Yeah, you're supposed to be like mentally developed at twenty five.

365
00:21:06.279 --> 00:21:10.000
Yeah, yeah, because men stop growing at twenty six, women

366
00:21:10.039 --> 00:21:12.599
stop growing at twenty or something like that.

367
00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:15.559
One thing I did think was crazy is people that

368
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:19.880
have the disorder typically suffer from additional mental disorders like anxiety,

369
00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:25.200
substance abuse add ADHD. I have anxiety, I have ADHD.

370
00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:29.640
I'm bipolar. And then actually the increase there's an increased

371
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:34.400
risk of suicide for people with bipolar one specifically, Okay,

372
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:37.000
there's the three types that we're going to get into

373
00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:40.240
here and what we have Bipolar one, bipolar two, and

374
00:21:40.279 --> 00:21:49.839
then oh my gosh, it's like the cycle cycles. It's

375
00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:53.039
c y C l O THH y M I C

376
00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:56.960
M I C I like about funny. I always call

377
00:21:57.000 --> 00:22:05.759
this cycloptic, but I'm like, that's not right. Cycloth cyclothymic. Yeah,

378
00:22:06.279 --> 00:22:09.440
there we go, cyclothymic. Now we're good. Now we're cooking,

379
00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:13.599
all right, So yeah, I know. So we're gonna get

380
00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:16.359
into too one first. So this is the type that

381
00:22:16.640 --> 00:22:19.599
diagnosed when the sufferer experience is what they call a

382
00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:23.680
manic episode. So some of them is hypomanic and some

383
00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:28.319
of it's like straight up manic. Following symptoms here, as

384
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:31.240
a person must show at least three of these to

385
00:22:31.319 --> 00:22:34.960
be classified as bipolar one. Feeling like they're on top

386
00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.839
of the world, got it, yep, Increased energy, I get it.

387
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:45.680
Irritability also, got it. I'm already at three. Decrease need

388
00:22:45.720 --> 00:22:51.359
to sleep while still feeling energetic. So you're exhausted, but

389
00:22:51.440 --> 00:22:55.799
you can't stop. If that makes sense. That's me d

390
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.000
Like your body is shutting down, but your brain will

391
00:22:59.039 --> 00:22:59.960
not allow you to sleep.

392
00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:01.960
That's literally me every day.

393
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:07.519
Yeah, So there's that increased or faster talking. Check jumping

394
00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:10.680
from topic to topic quickly while talking, or having uncontrollable

395
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:17.359
racing thoughts. Check being easily distracted. I literally have all

396
00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:23.039
of these. Increase in activity such as restlessness, juggling multiple

397
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:27.720
projects at once usually they don't get done, have a

398
00:23:27.720 --> 00:23:31.720
bunch of half asked done stuff around the house. Increase

399
00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:36.119
risky behavior such as spending spree, sexual activity, and reckless driving.

400
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:42.680
There's also false beliefs and hallucinations. So there's some of

401
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:44.759
these symptoms. People might be like, Oh, that's not as

402
00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:49.279
bad obviously, hallucinations versus you talk fast this.

403
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:53.720
Yeah, but hallucinations can bring you down a fucking dark road.

404
00:23:54.119 --> 00:24:02.319
Yes they can. And it's auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations. It

405
00:24:02.359 --> 00:24:06.880
could be everything you can literally Alice in Wonderland your ass, Yeah,

406
00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:10.480
and have no control. You don't even realize that it's wrong.

407
00:24:12.119 --> 00:24:15.319
You believe everything that's happening, and it is a very

408
00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:16.240
scary place to be.

409
00:24:16.640 --> 00:24:20.440
Yeah, that's what I think Alice is about bipolarism.

410
00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:25.519
Yeah, it's totally crazy. And like I said, there's also

411
00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:28.759
episodes that are called hypomanic, which are identified as less

412
00:24:28.759 --> 00:24:32.799
severe symptoms of mania that only happened for four consecutive

413
00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:36.599
days instead of an entire week, like mania can last

414
00:24:36.759 --> 00:24:40.640
one to two weeks. Yeah, and I can tell you

415
00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:43.359
from experience. Everybody's oh, I wish I had that energy

416
00:24:43.559 --> 00:24:45.880
and didn't have to sleep or eat. Let me tell you,

417
00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:50.759
it's great for about two days. Once you hit day three,

418
00:24:51.720 --> 00:24:56.799
your body is hungry, your body is exhausted, and then

419
00:24:56.839 --> 00:24:59.720
that's when the irritability starts coming in. The getting distracted

420
00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:04.480
there's come in because it's trying to shut down to function,

421
00:25:04.839 --> 00:25:09.759
and you just start losing different things, like when you're

422
00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:12.400
out in the cold, your body will get all the

423
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:14.720
heat to your core, so your leg will fall off,

424
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:17.440
your arm will get cold frostbit before your core does.

425
00:25:17.519 --> 00:25:20.599
It's like that with your brain. It's trying to preserve itself,

426
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:23.319
so it starts cutting things off that doesn't think it needs.

427
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:28.440
Most people with a disorder, they do have times where

428
00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:31.480
their mood is what would be considered neutral. So that's

429
00:25:31.519 --> 00:25:34.160
one thing too that I like to tell people. There

430
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:38.119
is up and there is down. Always that's what everybody

431
00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:41.599
marks it as. But there are times where you might

432
00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:43.079
be a little up and it's kind of like a

433
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:46.440
little wave you're not roller coastering, it's just a little wave,

434
00:25:46.680 --> 00:25:49.640
or you're pretty close to flat line. Unfortunately, those are

435
00:25:49.640 --> 00:25:54.240
few and far between in this situation. Now we're going

436
00:25:54.279 --> 00:25:57.680
to talk about the downside, the depressive phase. This episode

437
00:25:57.759 --> 00:26:00.880
lasts at least two weeks, where the stuffer experiences at

438
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:03.200
least five of the following symptoms. This one has more

439
00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:06.799
Mania is three, and it has to last at least

440
00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:11.480
four days. This one two weeks long. Five of these things,

441
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:15.359
and let me tell you horrible. So you have intense

442
00:26:15.400 --> 00:26:19.680
despair and sadness, less interest in activities that you used

443
00:26:19.720 --> 00:26:26.039
to enjoy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, fatigue, a decrease

444
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:28.720
or increase in sleep. Because it's not always the same.

445
00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:32.359
There's also you could either get a decrease or increase

446
00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:34.880
in appetite. It depends on the person and the situation.

447
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:37.680
Sometimes you get one one time and the other next time.

448
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:44.279
Restlessness again such as pacing, slowed speech or movement, difficulty concentrating,

449
00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:49.519
frequent thoughts of death of suicide. So I have pretty

450
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:50.279
much all of those.

451
00:26:50.599 --> 00:26:54.920
At some point I think I might be bipolar. Homie.

452
00:26:55.160 --> 00:26:58.319
Yeah, get screened, I tell you it, gets screened because

453
00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:02.000
especially if you go from man because sometimes if you

454
00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:03.839
are manic, you were up there right like you are

455
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:06.960
ten foot tall and bulletproof and no one can stop you.

456
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:11.599
You like you're the shit. And then even when you

457
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:16.279
come down to your baseline, that drop is still going

458
00:27:16.359 --> 00:27:18.440
to feel like it won't be as much of a

459
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:20.720
depressive phase, but it's going to feel like a depression

460
00:27:20.759 --> 00:27:24.440
phase because you're coming down off that high. Yeah, when

461
00:27:24.440 --> 00:27:26.000
you're down, it's down.

462
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:30.640
Yeah. I'll give you A recent example is so I

463
00:27:30.680 --> 00:27:35.839
started writing a movie script and I am extremely obsessed

464
00:27:35.880 --> 00:27:38.880
with it, and I'm happy about it. Right, I'm so

465
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:41.799
excited to write it and to see what happens. I

466
00:27:41.799 --> 00:27:45.200
don't think that a studio is going to pick it

467
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:48.119
up if they do fantastic, But I just want to write.

468
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:49.640
I just want to I want to be a writer.

469
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:52.720
That's like my whole thing. I've always wanted to be

470
00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:56.759
one since I was a kid. So I started. I

471
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:02.559
have this stack of frickin' index cards with scenes on it.

472
00:28:02.680 --> 00:28:06.359
I got frickin my characters written down on a book page.

473
00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:10.920
I wrote five pages of the script and then all

474
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:12.759
of a sudden, I'm like, I'm not good enough. Yep,

475
00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:15.559
and I haven't touched it in almost a week now.

476
00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:18.759
Yep. I'll do recordings and I'll just pump out recordings,

477
00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:20.920
and then all of a sudden, it's I don't want

478
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:23.720
to do the research. I don't want to It's just

479
00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:26.640
it's very hard to be motivated. The way I describe

480
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:30.400
it is there are times where I literally just want

481
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:34.720
to crawl in a hole and rot. I don't care,

482
00:28:35.079 --> 00:28:38.200
I don't want to get up. It takes every ounce

483
00:28:38.359 --> 00:28:40.519
of energy that I have just to get out of

484
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:44.359
bed to do anything, let alone function like a normal

485
00:28:44.440 --> 00:28:49.240
human being, and like horrible things were You're just sitting

486
00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:51.680
there and you're like, you know what, what if I

487
00:28:51.720 --> 00:28:54.559
just walked in front of this bus? Or what would

488
00:28:54.599 --> 00:28:56.480
happen if I did this? What would happen if I

489
00:28:56.519 --> 00:28:59.079
did that? If I just disappear, would anybody even notice?

490
00:29:00.039 --> 00:29:01.720
Who would notice? How long would I be laying on

491
00:29:01.720 --> 00:29:03.839
the floor rotting before somebody even noticed I was gone?

492
00:29:05.480 --> 00:29:07.440
I think about that too, Like when I'm at work,

493
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:09.880
is I'm like, what if I just let the truck

494
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.359
go off the side of the road, would I were

495
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:17.240
in me? I know it. The bigger the truck is,

496
00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:21.279
the harder to die. But I'm like, I've done that.

497
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:23.720
What if I just swerved a little, you know what

498
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:26.319
I mean, it could have a swerve. I'm on that side.

499
00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:31.440
It's and it's stuff like that where and people are like, oh,

500
00:29:31.519 --> 00:29:33.319
just don't think like that. That's not how it works

501
00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:41.640
your brain. There's they're called A and t's automatic negative thoughts,

502
00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:46.640
where you it is impulsive, you have no control of

503
00:29:46.680 --> 00:29:48.279
it popping in and know what you do with it.

504
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:50.519
You have control over, but it is going to pop

505
00:29:50.599 --> 00:29:55.599
up regardless. But these depressive phases are so awful because

506
00:29:55.599 --> 00:30:00.240
they last for so long, and you can be and

507
00:30:00.359 --> 00:30:03.960
the best relationship and a job that you love. Everything

508
00:30:04.079 --> 00:30:09.480
is peaches and cream, and then for absolutely no reason,

509
00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:16.960
you might all spontaneously just cry for no reason. People

510
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.240
like what's wrong, and I'm like, nothing, nothing is wrong.

511
00:30:19.400 --> 00:30:25.359
I just feel like horrifyingly sad. And one of the

512
00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:27.160
things I couldn't figure out is not only is it

513
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:30.240
a behavioral an emotional thing. I was trying to figure

514
00:30:30.279 --> 00:30:34.200
out why people like us. The way I look at

515
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:38.960
it is we do everything more. We're literally extra when

516
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:42.279
we are happy. We don't just get happy, we get

517
00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:45.640
ecstatic when we are sad. We get depressed when we

518
00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:51.680
love someone. We love someone with every ounce of our being.

519
00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:55.279
And the way my doctor explained it to me was

520
00:30:55.359 --> 00:30:58.960
is you have people that have emotions, which everybody has,

521
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:03.880
people like us. You're basically taking that emotion and you're

522
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:07.240
putting it under a magnifying glass and amplifying it about

523
00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:09.519
one hundred times. Is that what it is? Because we

524
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:15.039
can't register there. It is all or nothing and you

525
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:20.000
have no control. I've broke down for no reason or

526
00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:22.960
been happy, like everything around me shit, and I'm just

527
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:25.559
in a good mood. I'm like, fuck it, bring it on.

528
00:31:27.200 --> 00:31:29.160
But then other times everything's going great and I just

529
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:33.799
feel so you literally want to crawl out of your

530
00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:37.640
own skin because you just you feel gross. Yeah, you

531
00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:40.200
just feel gross. You can't. You want to get the

532
00:31:40.200 --> 00:31:42.880
shower and scrub it off, but you can't get rid

533
00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:46.279
of it. It's just a it's a horrible feeling. But anyway,

534
00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:53.640
next we're going to go into some treatments for bipolar one.

535
00:31:53.960 --> 00:31:56.240
All right, sounds good. Hold on real quick, though, I'm

536
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:58.319
gonna go fill up my coffee cup if you don't mind,

537
00:31:58.440 --> 00:31:59.039
Oh yeah.

538
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:02.960
Go for it, all right? Back in action, all right?

539
00:32:03.160 --> 00:32:07.119
So yeah, and cut. Oh wait, no scene, Wait.

540
00:32:08.680 --> 00:32:09.039
Let's go.

541
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:14.920
You're the movie guy. I can say that many, if

542
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:19.519
not all, of the symptoms will improve with medication and psychotherapy.

543
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:22.559
Now that's not gonna say you're never going to fix it. It

544
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:25.519
never goes away. What I tell people is I will

545
00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:31.240
never be cured. All I can do is manage. That's it.

546
00:32:32.079 --> 00:32:32.279
Yep.

547
00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:38.039
Now, most of the common medications are mood stabilizers. So

548
00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:41.079
the most popular one, and I've actually been taking it

549
00:32:41.119 --> 00:32:44.279
forever and it works. Miracles is the oldest one that

550
00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:47.759
they have, and that's lithium. They've been using that since

551
00:32:47.799 --> 00:32:51.599
the fifties. Then this type of medication is thought to

552
00:32:51.759 --> 00:32:55.720
correct a signal imbalance in the brain. So something about it.

553
00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:59.480
It's like it re routes some stuff. Doesn't close all

554
00:32:59.519 --> 00:33:02.720
the roads, but it rerouted traffic to some of the places.

555
00:33:04.599 --> 00:33:07.000
And then there's a multitude of medications that are useful

556
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:09.599
with the disorder, and every patient is different, so you

557
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:11.359
may have to try a few before you get the

558
00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:17.559
right one. I called it medication roulette because everyone is

559
00:33:17.559 --> 00:33:21.000
different and there's so many options that it's okay, let's

560
00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:24.640
try this. If this doesn't work, we'll try something else,

561
00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:27.000
and you literally just have to roulette until you find

562
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:30.079
the right one that sticks. It is a long process,

563
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:31.200
but don't give up.

564
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:33.720
Process.

565
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:36.759
It is a very long process, and most of the

566
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:40.839
time medication is not enough. You have to add in

567
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.279
some talk. Therapy is always good, that's always a good one.

568
00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:47.759
But sometimes that's even not enough, And in these cases

569
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:51.880
there's an option of here we go. Electroconvulsive therapy, also

570
00:33:51.960 --> 00:33:57.359
known as ECT. It involves multiple rounds of a brief

571
00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:02.880
electrical current on the scalp. Typically, patients undergoing ECT are

572
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:06.799
under anesthesia that leads to a short but controlled seizure,

573
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:12.119
and these ECT and DOUCE seizures are thought to reroute

574
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:19.079
the brain. I've actually considered doing this. I thought, yeah,

575
00:34:19.119 --> 00:34:22.000
because I tell people all the time it's like my

576
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:26.000
cylinders are not firing right or something's not right. So

577
00:34:26.039 --> 00:34:29.639
I'm like, what if you shock it, restart it right,

578
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.400
turn it off, turn it back on. Would it reroute

579
00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:37.280
things and make it work properly? I'm always just afraid

580
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:40.239
that it would work the opposite. You don't feel the

581
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:43.239
pain because they knock you out. They basically put you

582
00:34:43.280 --> 00:34:46.159
into a seizure, and then they turn it off, turn

583
00:34:46.159 --> 00:34:46.920
it back on from I t.

584
00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:57.400
Wow, wow, Yeah, it's interesting. I try not to fuck

585
00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:59.679
around with electricity.

586
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:02.159
So I stocked a few times in my life and

587
00:35:02.199 --> 00:35:03.119
it didn't make a difference.

588
00:35:04.519 --> 00:35:11.400
I have issues on my left arm because I got shocked. Yeah,

589
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:16.199
so ever since then, I've never really thought about it

590
00:35:16.280 --> 00:35:20.199
until that time that I got that. So I was

591
00:35:20.239 --> 00:35:22.199
climbing a tree and I pulled on a branch and

592
00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:26.519
it hit the primary wire of the wires outside of

593
00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:30.239
the telephone poles, and it freaking sent a shock through me,

594
00:35:31.800 --> 00:35:35.280
and I let go, Like I if the branch wasn't

595
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:39.280
pulled in a odd way, if it was like normally

596
00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:43.280
sitting close to the wire, it probably it would have

597
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:48.480
stayed there. Naturally I would have died. Yeah, But because

598
00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:52.400
I had pulled it so unnatural, once it touched that wire,

599
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:55.119
it shocked my arm. My arm went straight out like that,

600
00:35:55.280 --> 00:35:57.480
and the branch was off.

601
00:35:57.360 --> 00:36:00.639
The wire, so it so.

602
00:36:00.760 --> 00:36:04.000
My freaking I had car Shortly after that, I got

603
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:07.800
carpo tunnel in my left wrist. My arm started going numb,

604
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:09.719
and every once in a while, like I just my

605
00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:12.559
arm feels funny, and I got to sit here and

606
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:15.199
stretch it and stuff like that and oh wow feels

607
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:20.639
weird and other but other than that, it's that's pretty much.

608
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:21.079
Yeah.

609
00:36:21.639 --> 00:36:24.199
So sin then I'm like yeah, so ever since then,

610
00:36:24.239 --> 00:36:27.039
I'm like fucking electric, anything can go fuck off.

611
00:36:27.559 --> 00:36:31.679
Yeah, I don't lay on that. That's bipolar one. Bipolar

612
00:36:31.719 --> 00:36:34.000
two is a little different, and this requires the person

613
00:36:34.039 --> 00:36:37.920
to experience at least one major depressive episode and at

614
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:41.760
least one hypomannic. My polar two does not have the

615
00:36:41.800 --> 00:36:45.840
full blown manic attacks or episodes. It's only the hypo one.

616
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:48.880
So people with this type can go back to their

617
00:36:48.920 --> 00:36:52.400
normal functionality between each episode. So this is more like

618
00:36:52.639 --> 00:36:55.039
you get more baseline and then you just have a

619
00:36:55.079 --> 00:37:00.960
flare up essentially. Yeah, and sufferers typically experience additional mental

620
00:37:01.000 --> 00:37:06.320
illnesses similar to bipolar one. Treatment is also pretty similar.

621
00:37:06.360 --> 00:37:08.440
They use a lot of the same common medications like

622
00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:14.719
motabilizers antidepressants depending on what symptoms you have. And then

623
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:17.559
the last type of psyclothymic I love how I got

624
00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:21.719
it right that time. That was easy, That was like

625
00:37:21.719 --> 00:37:26.000
a pro This type is a more mild form and

626
00:37:26.039 --> 00:37:29.400
it involves many mood swings with frequent bounds of depression

627
00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:33.440
and hypomania, So you're more sporadic, but they're not as intense.

628
00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:38.800
And treatment again, medications talk therapy. They say a lot

629
00:37:38.840 --> 00:37:41.039
of times it's helpful to keep a mood journal so

630
00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:44.519
you can track where you're going and you can with me.

631
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:48.800
Assuming there's not like a stressor like a big event.

632
00:37:50.679 --> 00:37:53.239
You get a new job, even if it's positive, you

633
00:37:53.280 --> 00:37:54.840
get a new job, it's a great job. You love

634
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:59.159
your job. That switching from one to the other can

635
00:37:59.199 --> 00:38:02.280
trigger a manic episode or a depressive episode. It does

636
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:05.280
not matter how good or bad the situation is. You

637
00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:09.480
have a kid, boom, you get married, boom, you get divorced, boom,

638
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:13.000
you move, there's another one. You get a new car.

639
00:38:13.079 --> 00:38:17.159
Like anything that changes your routine can trigger your brain

640
00:38:17.239 --> 00:38:22.119
to respond. But if you are pretty consistent nothing major

641
00:38:22.199 --> 00:38:25.320
is going on, you could get to where you see

642
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:27.480
it coming. You know it's coming. You can see the

643
00:38:27.519 --> 00:38:29.199
red flags and you can be like, hey, Like I

644
00:38:29.239 --> 00:38:31.559
do this to people, Hey I'm going up or hey

645
00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:34.559
I'm going down, and I give people a list here's

646
00:38:34.599 --> 00:38:36.880
what each symptoms are for each one. So when I

647
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:40.320
tell you I'm going up or down, you know what's coming.

648
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:44.840
Because I can't always control what's going on. So I

649
00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:48.679
always recommend that. Yeah, but unlike bipolar one and two,

650
00:38:48.880 --> 00:38:53.159
people with the cyclothymac, they can stop and start treatment

651
00:38:53.159 --> 00:38:57.719
over time, so they might get pretty good and be like,

652
00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:02.280
oh I'm good for a while. It's a lot less intense.

653
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:06.000
I wish that's what I had. I have bipolar one,

654
00:39:06.199 --> 00:39:08.440
by the way, So I am like the shit show.

655
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:13.280
I am like the master the Queen of bipolar.

656
00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:17.239
You know how you were saying earlier, how it seemed

657
00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:22.199
it was really easy, seemed to be easy to tell

658
00:39:22.199 --> 00:39:26.199
that you were bipolar early on. Yeah, did you know

659
00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:31.440
that sexual abuse leads to early on set bipolar.

660
00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:33.079
That explains a lot.

661
00:39:33.920 --> 00:39:39.960
So the earth is so like when you're bipolar at

662
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:46.800
a younger age that it's usually yep, yeah, okay, it.

663
00:39:46.800 --> 00:39:53.639
Tracks because too again, major events can trigger. That is

664
00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:57.760
definitely a major event that could in an instant.

665
00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:04.079
Yeah. So it says that sexual abuse has been linked

666
00:40:04.119 --> 00:40:08.119
to early on set bipolarism. So you might have been

667
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:16.000
bipolar anyway, yeah, but because of this happening, it was

668
00:40:16.039 --> 00:40:19.239
triggered earlier than it would have been normally.

669
00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:22.960
Like waking the Beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't know that.

670
00:40:23.280 --> 00:40:26.000
Yeah, it's makes a lot of sense, which actually reminds

671
00:40:26.039 --> 00:40:31.079
me my sister is too. Yeah, or like she might

672
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:33.519
be has a little bit more of a mild form.

673
00:40:33.719 --> 00:40:35.840
Yeah, maybe like the cyclo cimic or whatever.

674
00:40:36.280 --> 00:40:43.480
Yeah, so I'm like surrounded by Yeah, welcome to the show, Kevin.

675
00:40:45.559 --> 00:40:48.719
It's not a fun show, but it is the big show.

676
00:40:49.880 --> 00:40:54.360
And again here I put in it's very important for

677
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:57.599
friends and family to be educated, be understanding, and be

678
00:40:57.719 --> 00:41:00.840
patient through the process of finding the right treatment. Because

679
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:04.920
just because somebody is starting treatment, it's not oh, your

680
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:07.760
appendix first, we just take your appendix out, Boom, you

681
00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:10.559
feel better. It's not like that. It is a very

682
00:41:10.679 --> 00:41:14.039
long process of trying to find the right treatment, the

683
00:41:14.119 --> 00:41:20.679
right therapists, dosages, timing. It's a very long procesce just

684
00:41:20.719 --> 00:41:25.039
be patient. It's gonna be difficult. It's gonna be very difficult.

685
00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:28.679
And sometimes not only does the medication not work, sometimes

686
00:41:28.679 --> 00:41:32.599
it'll make some symptoms worse. And so there is a

687
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:35.840
lot of back and forth. Now, there are ways that

688
00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:38.559
you can help support someone if you know they're suffering.

689
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:42.880
And one, educate yourself. So look at reputable sources, make

690
00:41:42.880 --> 00:41:45.719
sure they're reputable, and become aware of the symptoms of

691
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:50.039
both sides. I try to be proactive, but again, people

692
00:41:50.119 --> 00:41:53.000
might not know or they might just be getting to

693
00:41:53.039 --> 00:41:56.079
that point. Whereas now I've been doing this enough that

694
00:41:56.119 --> 00:41:59.639
I'm even my bosses. I will give my bosses at work.

695
00:42:00.079 --> 00:42:02.400
Here are ups and downs. I can tell you if

696
00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:05.719
I'm going which direction, but here's what it is, so

697
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:10.880
that they are aware. So then listen answers are not

698
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:14.960
always needed. That's very important. Yeah, very helpful for the

699
00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:18.159
person to feel that they are being seen and listen to.

700
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:21.920
That is huge. So I struggle with that. If I

701
00:42:21.960 --> 00:42:25.960
do not feel like I am being heard, I will

702
00:42:26.199 --> 00:42:29.079
beat that dead horse, like I will just I will

703
00:42:29.119 --> 00:42:31.119
get more ir and more angry. If I do not

704
00:42:31.199 --> 00:42:35.480
feel like I'm being heard and I tries to give

705
00:42:35.480 --> 00:42:37.840
you the answer, I'm like, I have people. I'm like,

706
00:42:38.480 --> 00:42:40.480
I need a soundboard. That's all I need. I just

707
00:42:40.519 --> 00:42:42.760
need someone to just let me get it, which is

708
00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:46.639
where that therapy comes in huge, huge, huge hand, because

709
00:42:46.800 --> 00:42:51.760
I just want to just get word diarrhea and I

710
00:42:51.960 --> 00:42:53.920
just need to get it out and then I feel better.

711
00:42:53.960 --> 00:42:56.280
But if I can't do that in like a safe space,

712
00:42:56.840 --> 00:42:58.239
it just festers in there.

713
00:42:59.000 --> 00:43:05.400
Yeah, Yeah, I don't. Sometimes I just want to say

714
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:08.320
something like. That's basically what you're saying is you just

715
00:43:08.360 --> 00:43:10.519
want to You want to speak, and you want it

716
00:43:10.559 --> 00:43:13.599
to have somebody. You want somebody to be speaking too,

717
00:43:13.719 --> 00:43:17.880
but you don't want need them personally to be like, yeah,

718
00:43:18.039 --> 00:43:19.800
why don't you do this? Why don't you do that?

719
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:22.480
I just want you to listen to me, shut the

720
00:43:22.480 --> 00:43:23.760
fuck up and listen.

721
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:27.840
Because sometimes too, like with me, things get so they're

722
00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:29.840
like I said, you get very overwhelmed because all these

723
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.639
things are racing through your head and you can't but

724
00:43:32.679 --> 00:43:35.159
if you just get them out, like I'll be talking

725
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:37.400
and it's oh, like I solve my own problem. I

726
00:43:37.480 --> 00:43:39.880
just needed to get it out of my face, out

727
00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:42.400
of my head because it might be the same thoughts

728
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:45.639
in my head, but saying them out loud, you hear

729
00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:49.360
yourself say it and you're like, oh, never mind, I

730
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:50.760
figured it out, No big deal.

731
00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:54.239
Yeah, it's just like the other night I was complaining

732
00:43:54.239 --> 00:43:59.559
about my job and I worked twelve to thirteen hours

733
00:43:59.559 --> 00:44:01.840
a day and I only want to do ten. I

734
00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:04.239
don't want to do more than ten. That ten is fine,

735
00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:07.960
it's perfectly fine. Fifty hours a week, that's fucking fantastic.

736
00:44:08.039 --> 00:44:12.320
Sixty hours a week. I don't need that shit. But

737
00:44:12.679 --> 00:44:15.559
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted mentally, and I think that has

738
00:44:15.639 --> 00:44:20.079
led to me not wanting to write this whole past week.

739
00:44:22.480 --> 00:44:26.760
And I was and this has is she my girlfriend.

740
00:44:26.920 --> 00:44:29.360
She just wants everything to be fixed all the time,

741
00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:32.679
you know what I mean? And this, yeah, this has nothing.

742
00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:36.800
I'm not She's total. It wasn't like a fight or anything,

743
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:40.880
but I'm telling her about about it. I was like,

744
00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:43.880
I think I need a new job. And she's I

745
00:44:43.880 --> 00:44:48.039
thought that you were only supposed to be doing twelve hours.

746
00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:50.400
I was like, well, it's technically thirteen. And they take

747
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:54.719
thirty minutes out of my day to for lunch, so

748
00:44:54.760 --> 00:44:56.800
that yeah, because I start at two o'clock in the morning,

749
00:44:57.199 --> 00:45:01.119
so technically I could be working until three thirty mhm.

750
00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:03.840
And she's why don't you tell me? I was like, listen,

751
00:45:04.480 --> 00:45:05.960
I totally need you to go through this.

752
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:12.880
Let me vent. I just needed to decompress.

753
00:45:12.519 --> 00:45:15.840
And I get where she's coming from. She just wants

754
00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:21.480
to help. Yeah, she's you know, she she wants she

755
00:45:21.559 --> 00:45:25.239
needs help too. Yeah, the baby's upper ass and ship too.

756
00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:30.480
But yeah, I get what you're saying. Like I sometimes

757
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:33.320
you just need to say it out loud, and it

758
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:36.320
just like sitting in a room by yourself and you're

759
00:45:36.320 --> 00:45:40.679
saying out loud is different. But when you're actually talking

760
00:45:40.719 --> 00:45:45.880
to somebody and you're telling it, telling your your issues,

761
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:49.239
then you're just like, I could probably deal with it,

762
00:45:49.360 --> 00:45:51.360
or I could just do this or something like that.

763
00:45:51.639 --> 00:45:55.199
It's just like like you said, a soundboard, it's funny

764
00:45:55.239 --> 00:45:55.360
that you.

765
00:45:55.400 --> 00:45:58.360
Mentioned that about your girlfriend, because my boyfriend were talking

766
00:45:58.440 --> 00:46:02.639
and we've been around each other enough that we're learning

767
00:46:03.079 --> 00:46:05.519
or this is an ongoing process. It takes a lot

768
00:46:05.559 --> 00:46:07.880
of work, and thank god he's willing. But the other

769
00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:10.719
day I was I was on one man and I

770
00:46:10.760 --> 00:46:14.519
was just like like dragon and he literally I stopped

771
00:46:14.519 --> 00:46:19.639
that he's are you done yet? Are you done? Because

772
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:21.400
he was just like nope, I'm just gonna let her go.

773
00:46:21.480 --> 00:46:23.800
And that's tell people. I'm like, just let me go

774
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:26.480
and just let me just burn everything around me and

775
00:46:26.519 --> 00:46:30.719
then I'll it's like that pot. It just it whistled,

776
00:46:30.719 --> 00:46:33.480
and it just got to get that that valve open

777
00:46:33.599 --> 00:46:35.159
to get some of that pressure out, and then it's

778
00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:38.840
now I can think straight, Okay, let's do this.

779
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:42.440
My problem is that sometimes I talk a little bit

780
00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:43.000
too slow.

781
00:46:44.119 --> 00:46:44.559
Oh not me.

782
00:46:44.639 --> 00:46:48.159
I'm like, yeah, they A lot of times people will

783
00:46:48.159 --> 00:46:50.559
think that I'm done talking and they'll just start talking

784
00:46:50.599 --> 00:46:54.280
over me or whatever, and I get like really irritated

785
00:46:54.320 --> 00:46:57.840
about it. And she's done it a few times, and

786
00:46:58.760 --> 00:47:03.119
I don't like bitch or anything about it. But she'll

787
00:47:03.119 --> 00:47:06.159
be We'll be talking about something and she'll turn around.

788
00:47:06.159 --> 00:47:08.320
She'll be like doing dishes or something while I'm talking

789
00:47:08.360 --> 00:47:10.360
to her or doing something, and then she'll just be

790
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:13.119
like blah blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah blah.

791
00:47:13.159 --> 00:47:14.960
And then I'm sitting there and I'm just like and

792
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.400
I'm like, still have this fun process in my head,

793
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:21.480
and I'm like, I don't give a fuck about anything

794
00:47:21.480 --> 00:47:24.360
you're saying right now, but I let her talk. I

795
00:47:24.360 --> 00:47:27.119
don't talk over her. And I'm like literally my head

796
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:29.719
will start going like this, and then once she's done,

797
00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:32.880
I'll go, anyways, what I was saying, I do, and

798
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:34.480
then I'll fish I'll finish that.

799
00:47:35.760 --> 00:47:37.400
One thing I like to tell people is we kind

800
00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:40.760
of have this saying where we feel like no one

801
00:47:40.880 --> 00:47:43.599
can understand because we are so different and we know

802
00:47:43.679 --> 00:47:48.000
something's wrong, and we not always you got to get there,

803
00:47:48.239 --> 00:47:54.199
but then you realize I am different. I am responding

804
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:57.400
in ways that normal people quote unquote normal people do not,

805
00:47:58.480 --> 00:48:02.159
and because of that, we feel very isolated because there's

806
00:48:02.159 --> 00:48:04.400
not a lot of people that either they don't talk

807
00:48:04.440 --> 00:48:07.480
about it, excuse me, or there's just not a lot

808
00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:09.239
of people that are genuinely around where you can be

809
00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:13.800
like they understand. You feel like no one understands because

810
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:18.719
you're reacting a way that, to you is appropriate, and

811
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:25.199
people are responding with you're crazy, and you're oh, you're

812
00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:27.480
too angry, You're oh, you're this, You're that, you're loud,

813
00:48:27.480 --> 00:48:32.880
you're but you always feel like no one can get it.

814
00:48:34.119 --> 00:48:38.679
You just it's very isolating and it's very upsetting. Yeah,

815
00:48:38.800 --> 00:48:42.119
and we understand that what we're feeling and how we're

816
00:48:42.159 --> 00:48:44.480
acting is not normal, like I just said, and we

817
00:48:44.599 --> 00:48:48.320
might reach out and try to connect with someone and

818
00:48:48.440 --> 00:48:50.760
feel like we are not alone or completely losing our

819
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:54.400
minds because we too. I do this now, I'm like,

820
00:48:54.480 --> 00:48:56.599
whoa hold on, let me get this. I need a

821
00:48:56.639 --> 00:49:01.840
sane person quote unquote's saying and I'm like, hey, this

822
00:49:01.880 --> 00:49:03.800
is going on, this is what I feel. This is

823
00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:09.719
what I want to do. Is that normal? But it's

824
00:49:10.119 --> 00:49:13.320
you try to gauge it on. Is this appropriate? Is

825
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:16.239
it not appropriate? I don't know what's going on with everything,

826
00:49:18.320 --> 00:49:22.239
And yes, please, for the love of God, do not

827
00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:28.639
respond with your crazy or your psycho or your nuts.

828
00:49:32.239 --> 00:49:36.280
It's just not it's not good. It's not let's just

829
00:49:36.280 --> 00:49:38.599
deem it as not politically correct. Now I can say

830
00:49:38.599 --> 00:49:41.280
I'm crazy because it's my brain and I'm crazy, but

831
00:49:41.519 --> 00:49:44.840
don't that is like the worst thing that somebody can do. Oh,

832
00:49:44.840 --> 00:49:47.320
you're just being You're acting crazy. I'm like, bitch, it

833
00:49:47.360 --> 00:49:51.400
is on you. Just what that switch is? You thought

834
00:49:51.400 --> 00:49:54.639
I was crazy before, I'm gonna show you crazy. So

835
00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:58.840
that's one thing anyway. So also be active in the

836
00:49:58.840 --> 00:50:02.400
treatment if possible. So sometimes just running to the pharmacy

837
00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:06.599
might make all the difference because we might be too overwhelmed.

838
00:50:07.119 --> 00:50:10.599
Just get the thought of getting out is overwhelming. When

839
00:50:10.639 --> 00:50:12.800
you're in that depressive phase, you don't want to move,

840
00:50:13.239 --> 00:50:14.760
So just be like, hey, do you mean to get

841
00:50:14.920 --> 00:50:17.800
your meds from the pharmacy or Another thing you can

842
00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:20.199
do is drive them to their appointment and wait for

843
00:50:20.239 --> 00:50:22.280
them to get done. Most of the appointments are forty

844
00:50:22.280 --> 00:50:25.239
five minutes to an hour, no usually no more than that,

845
00:50:26.079 --> 00:50:30.199
and driving is anxiety ridden. It's very overwhelming, and then

846
00:50:30.239 --> 00:50:32.920
it's exhausting. And then it's like I can't tell you

847
00:50:32.960 --> 00:50:35.039
how many times I'm like, you know what I would Really,

848
00:50:35.119 --> 00:50:38.239
I've gone without eating because I did not want to

849
00:50:38.239 --> 00:50:39.760
go to the store or I did not want to

850
00:50:39.800 --> 00:50:42.119
go through a drive through. I just didn't. I didn't

851
00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:43.119
have the energy.

852
00:50:44.119 --> 00:50:47.920
I've That happened to me when I first split from

853
00:50:48.320 --> 00:50:54.840
my ex. So she and she didn't do this on purpose,

854
00:50:54.880 --> 00:51:00.559
at least, I don't think. But changed my brain pattern

855
00:51:01.039 --> 00:51:04.079
from the three almost four years that we were together.

856
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:09.360
I think ma manipulation. I think I'll be honest, I

857
00:51:09.400 --> 00:51:12.360
wasn't great either, but like I completely changed who I

858
00:51:12.519 --> 00:51:13.639
was to try and fit her.

859
00:51:14.159 --> 00:51:14.400
Yep.

860
00:51:14.480 --> 00:51:17.239
So when we came out of that, when I came

861
00:51:17.239 --> 00:51:19.079
out of that relationship, I didn't know what to do

862
00:51:19.119 --> 00:51:19.679
with myself.

863
00:51:20.079 --> 00:51:24.880
Yeah, it's who am I? And Two, it's not just

864
00:51:24.920 --> 00:51:27.400
because of your situation. It might not just because your situation.

865
00:51:27.599 --> 00:51:30.840
I do that where I stop and I'm I literally

866
00:51:30.840 --> 00:51:34.880
I'm like, who am I? Yeah, especially because when you

867
00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:38.199
are in one or the other, you are literally I

868
00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:40.000
had so my boyfriend one time he told me like,

869
00:51:40.039 --> 00:51:41.559
I don't know which one of you I'm getting.

870
00:51:41.880 --> 00:51:42.199
I don't know.

871
00:51:42.559 --> 00:51:45.559
I don't know who I'm getting, and you really don't.

872
00:51:45.760 --> 00:51:47.920
We don't know, and it's frustrating for us because we

873
00:51:48.039 --> 00:51:50.039
have no control over It's not like we choose to

874
00:51:50.039 --> 00:51:53.840
go up or down. And there's times where I literally

875
00:51:53.920 --> 00:51:57.559
am totally different people, and then it's like I stop

876
00:51:57.639 --> 00:52:00.480
and I'm like because I'm responding because I'm manic, or

877
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:03.679
I'm responding because I'm depressed, and then it's I don't

878
00:52:03.679 --> 00:52:05.280
even know who I am? Like, who am I? What

879
00:52:05.320 --> 00:52:06.800
do I like to do? What do I not like

880
00:52:06.880 --> 00:52:09.760
to do? You lose your cook your sense of self

881
00:52:10.480 --> 00:52:11.480
very easily.

882
00:52:11.480 --> 00:52:17.239
Oh yeah, for sure. With when I came out of that,

883
00:52:17.320 --> 00:52:19.280
there was times when I would get home from work

884
00:52:19.639 --> 00:52:22.239
and I would look at the dirty dishes in the

885
00:52:22.280 --> 00:52:24.519
sink and not want to touch them, and then I'd

886
00:52:24.559 --> 00:52:27.920
be like, I really need to eat something because I'm

887
00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:30.000
trying to get these games in the gym bro, and

888
00:52:30.039 --> 00:52:33.280
I'm like, fucking like, no, I'm just gonna go to bed.

889
00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:38.800
And that happens periodically too, even now where I if

890
00:52:38.840 --> 00:52:41.519
it wasn't for my girlfriend cooking dinner every night, there'd

891
00:52:41.519 --> 00:52:44.400
probably be a good portion of times where I didn't eat.

892
00:52:44.679 --> 00:52:47.800
My boyfriend comes with food, shows up with food, or

893
00:52:48.000 --> 00:52:50.440
like brings up to cook because and it'll be like,

894
00:52:50.519 --> 00:52:53.000
I'm like, oh, I'm hungry. He's like, go make something

895
00:52:53.039 --> 00:52:56.760
to eat. I'm like, he's like, there's hot dogs in

896
00:52:56.760 --> 00:52:58.400
your fridge. I'm like, then I got to get up

897
00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:02.840
and nuke it. Seriously, it's like a ninety second job.

898
00:53:02.880 --> 00:53:05.719
I'm like, yes, too much, I don't feel it, and

899
00:53:05.760 --> 00:53:07.480
I'll just be like, man, I'm just gonna go to bed.

900
00:53:08.840 --> 00:53:12.039
I'm not going there. Yeah, that is definitely real. Another

901
00:53:12.039 --> 00:53:14.039
thing you can do is make a plan. To me,

902
00:53:14.159 --> 00:53:17.440
this is very important. I feel that you should have

903
00:53:17.639 --> 00:53:22.159
emergency plans in case the symptoms become unbearable or the

904
00:53:22.199 --> 00:53:26.920
suicidal thoughts become a big risk. Have a plan. I

905
00:53:26.920 --> 00:53:30.480
am also an advocate for having weapons in your house

906
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:34.639
for protection. I am I'm all for that, but people

907
00:53:34.679 --> 00:53:37.639
like us sometimes that's a problem. So I have locks

908
00:53:37.679 --> 00:53:40.400
on all of my guns and they're on there all

909
00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:43.280
the time. And if I feel that I am going

910
00:53:44.039 --> 00:53:47.760
to go down in the phase, I have a person

911
00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:51.360
that I give them the keys, so I cannot physically

912
00:53:51.559 --> 00:53:55.599
even have the opportunity to consider it. It is here.

913
00:53:55.719 --> 00:53:58.239
You hold the keys until I am better, and then

914
00:53:58.280 --> 00:54:00.760
I will take them back. So having a plan there,

915
00:54:01.280 --> 00:54:04.079
tips and tricks to compete to oh my gosh, to

916
00:54:04.159 --> 00:54:07.840
complete chores and everyday tasks during low energy swings, as

917
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:11.719
well as a list of coping mechanisms could be very helpful.

918
00:54:13.719 --> 00:54:18.199
Finding ways to make things easier if you're going down

919
00:54:18.280 --> 00:54:22.679
or up, be like, oh, hey, maybe you should I

920
00:54:22.679 --> 00:54:26.559
don't know, not do one thing, do the other time

921
00:54:26.599 --> 00:54:28.320
it different. Don't try to do it all at once,

922
00:54:29.280 --> 00:54:31.480
or just come over and help them. Hey do you

923
00:54:31.880 --> 00:54:35.320
want me to help you fold the laundry or sweep

924
00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:38.880
your floor or let your dogs out or just little

925
00:54:38.880 --> 00:54:41.639
things like that can make a huge difference whenever you're

926
00:54:41.679 --> 00:54:44.039
in one area or the other. And sometimes it is

927
00:54:44.239 --> 00:54:47.079
stay the hell away. It's like when your manic and

928
00:54:47.119 --> 00:54:50.360
you were irritable and you were cranky and your head

929
00:54:50.400 --> 00:54:52.559
feels like it is spinning and you cannot stop it.

930
00:54:53.159 --> 00:54:57.760
The last thing you need is people in clutter have

931
00:54:57.840 --> 00:55:00.920
a way that you can just get rich of certain things.

932
00:55:00.960 --> 00:55:07.559
Oh hey it agreed? Hi, So yeah, that's important apparently,

933
00:55:08.199 --> 00:55:11.519
but yeah, to me, that's very big. And then be supportive,

934
00:55:11.719 --> 00:55:15.519
but don't be pushy. So there are things that need

935
00:55:15.559 --> 00:55:17.960
to be done in mood sweets that can prevent them,

936
00:55:17.960 --> 00:55:21.360
like we just talked about, So be patient and supportive

937
00:55:21.840 --> 00:55:27.800
in times when they need it again sometimes now granted,

938
00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:30.960
also they might not tell you that they need you,

939
00:55:31.480 --> 00:55:35.239
but it'll be very apparent if they don't. Yes, and

940
00:55:35.320 --> 00:55:42.400
don't just insert yourself necessarily, Hey do you want to

941
00:55:42.440 --> 00:55:43.880
do this? Or Hey do you want to do that?

942
00:55:44.159 --> 00:55:46.960
Or and don't get upset when they cancel plans, because

943
00:55:46.960 --> 00:55:49.239
when we are manic again, we are ten foot tall

944
00:55:49.239 --> 00:55:51.679
and bulletproof. We want to do everything. Yeah, let's make

945
00:55:51.679 --> 00:55:53.320
a plan, let's go out next week, let's do that.

946
00:55:53.519 --> 00:55:56.239
And then you get out of manic phase and you're like, God,

947
00:55:56.280 --> 00:55:59.440
what the fuck did I make these plants? I hate myself,

948
00:55:59.480 --> 00:56:01.800
I don't want to it out. It's real, it's real.

949
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:07.480
And some other examples is the house is messy and

950
00:56:07.519 --> 00:56:10.239
they don't feel like doing anything and they're depressed. Instead

951
00:56:10.239 --> 00:56:13.599
of being a total twat and yelling at them or

952
00:56:13.639 --> 00:56:16.679
making them feel worse because they didn't do it, get

953
00:56:16.719 --> 00:56:20.159
your own ass up and help for once. Sorry you

954
00:56:20.199 --> 00:56:21.559
tell I wrote these notes when I think I was

955
00:56:21.559 --> 00:56:22.079
still married.

956
00:56:22.519 --> 00:56:26.239
Yeah, so that reminds me of a video that I

957
00:56:26.280 --> 00:56:28.800
saw of this kid that came home to his pregnant

958
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:33.559
what a girlfriend and he had a four hour shift

959
00:56:33.679 --> 00:56:36.000
and he was mad because she didn't do the dishes.

960
00:56:36.480 --> 00:56:41.360
I'm sorry, sir, Yeah, but you're pregnant. Even she doesn't need,

961
00:56:41.480 --> 00:56:44.320
she doesn't even need to have a bipolar issue. She

962
00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:45.039
is pregnant.

963
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:50.079
Yeah, fuck off, Yeah exactly. But this is the thing.

964
00:56:50.400 --> 00:56:53.519
Do the dishes, cook dinner, clean the countertop, do some

965
00:56:53.639 --> 00:56:56.880
laundry for the poor th just anything, and it might

966
00:56:56.880 --> 00:56:59.639
be something simple. Go to the grocery store.

967
00:57:00.039 --> 00:57:02.679
Get him outside, take him outside somewhere. You'd be like, hey,

968
00:57:02.719 --> 00:57:06.039
we're gonna go for a drive and look at the views.

969
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:09.920
I think being outside is super important for our mental health.

970
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:11.039
Anti outside.

971
00:57:11.199 --> 00:57:12.960
I know you are, I know you are, but I

972
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:15.679
think it's so important. I think natural vitamin D from

973
00:57:15.719 --> 00:57:21.800
the sun helps us significantly. Touching grass is grounding ourselves

974
00:57:21.800 --> 00:57:22.159
and shit.

975
00:57:23.239 --> 00:57:26.960
But I will say, my boyfriend got me onto this.

976
00:57:28.480 --> 00:57:32.800
And now, granted I was working days and I am not.

977
00:57:33.039 --> 00:57:35.599
I am not a day person. I am a vampire.

978
00:57:35.760 --> 00:57:37.760
I am a you look like a vampire.

979
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:42.639
Yeah, I'm up all night and he's when you get

980
00:57:42.679 --> 00:57:44.840
stressed or anxious, right, he's go for a walk. It's

981
00:57:44.920 --> 00:57:48.239
really good. And I never went out because fuck that noise.

982
00:57:48.280 --> 00:57:49.960
I don't like being hot, I don't like the sun.

983
00:57:50.599 --> 00:57:52.760
But now that I work nights and i'm up, it'll

984
00:57:52.760 --> 00:57:55.159
be like two in the morning and I'm walking laps

985
00:57:55.199 --> 00:57:58.400
down around the neighborhood and I feel great, like it

986
00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:00.679
feels good to get out and do that. And sometimes

987
00:58:00.679 --> 00:58:02.519
I'm like, go for a walk, and I'm like, oh,

988
00:58:03.239 --> 00:58:05.480
just do it, Just do it, and then I always

989
00:58:05.480 --> 00:58:09.079
feel better afterwards. It's just it's getting that you need

990
00:58:09.119 --> 00:58:13.480
that nudge to get into it, and it's just something

991
00:58:13.519 --> 00:58:17.440
that it does help. I will admit exercises help. I

992
00:58:17.480 --> 00:58:19.320
just do mine at night because I don't like to

993
00:58:19.320 --> 00:58:21.760
be out during the and I do. I never in

994
00:58:21.800 --> 00:58:23.719
a million years would have been like, you go for

995
00:58:23.760 --> 00:58:25.119
a walk. It's two in the afternoon.

996
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:29.440
That is why they are finding cows with the blood

997
00:58:29.480 --> 00:58:32.880
sucked out of them, because Natasha has been walking around

998
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:33.920
in the middle of the night.

999
00:58:35.079 --> 00:58:37.239
And I do. I'll go through the neighborhood and I

1000
00:58:37.280 --> 00:58:40.280
have a reflective band because it's dark out, so I

1001
00:58:40.320 --> 00:58:41.880
wear it around my arm so that way, if a

1002
00:58:41.920 --> 00:58:43.039
car comes they can see me.

1003
00:58:43.480 --> 00:58:44.400
Yep, and walk.

1004
00:58:45.119 --> 00:58:47.519
I walk everywhere. And then I have a job now,

1005
00:58:47.519 --> 00:58:50.440
and like I try to get like if I in one.

1006
00:58:50.639 --> 00:58:52.440
There's two places that I work, and one of them

1007
00:58:52.480 --> 00:58:54.519
I work and I walk around a lot. The other one,

1008
00:58:54.599 --> 00:58:57.719
I'm basically confined to a desk and I cannot move

1009
00:58:58.280 --> 00:58:59.119
for twelve hours.

1010
00:58:59.400 --> 00:58:59.760
Gross.

1011
00:59:00.679 --> 00:59:02.960
But I made a point that I'm like, no, I

1012
00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:05.599
get two breaks, but a lunch whatever. So I'll be like, hey,

1013
00:59:05.760 --> 00:59:08.519
someone needs to come cover me. And I go out

1014
00:59:08.519 --> 00:59:11.519
and I walk. I have a path. I have a

1015
00:59:11.519 --> 00:59:13.159
path that I walk, and I know that it takes

1016
00:59:13.159 --> 00:59:15.519
me exactly the amount of time that I need, so

1017
00:59:15.559 --> 00:59:17.440
it gets me out. I still get my walk. I'm

1018
00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:19.039
not sitting at the desk, and it makes me feel

1019
00:59:19.039 --> 00:59:21.800
better whenever I get back in, because you get bogged down.

1020
00:59:22.360 --> 00:59:25.480
So just make sure you take the time, man, Just

1021
00:59:25.559 --> 00:59:28.840
take it. If you're not there, don't feel bad. Oh

1022
00:59:28.880 --> 00:59:31.400
I got to get this st Fuck it, it's fifteen minutes.

1023
00:59:32.239 --> 00:59:34.960
It'll be there when you get back. Your mental health

1024
00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:39.760
is more important. Absolutely, And then also make sure they

1025
00:59:39.840 --> 00:59:45.519
have what they need because sometimes we forget. So have

1026
00:59:45.679 --> 00:59:49.800
you eaten today? Do you even have food? Are you

1027
00:59:49.840 --> 00:59:54.960
staying hydrated? Do you have your medicine setup? Is it organized?

1028
00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:58.519
Do you need to fill your pill container? What can

1029
00:59:58.559 --> 01:00:01.679
I help you with? Or just a minder? Because my boyfriend,

1030
01:00:01.559 --> 01:00:05.599
did you eat today? I'm like no, He's like, who's

1031
01:00:05.599 --> 01:00:09.119
the last time you ate? I'm like a baby yesterday,

1032
01:00:09.960 --> 01:00:12.000
He's get something to eat or like he'll bring again.

1033
01:00:12.039 --> 01:00:14.039
He brings me food. He's like, because if it's front

1034
01:00:14.039 --> 01:00:15.239
of me and I don't have to cook it, I'll

1035
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:18.840
eat it. But if it has any effort otherwise, I'm

1036
01:00:18.880 --> 01:00:22.000
like nah. And there's been times where I've been like

1037
01:00:22.039 --> 01:00:23.559
I haven't eaten two or three days.

1038
01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:27.679
Damn son, it's amazing. I'm still a long time.

1039
01:00:29.280 --> 01:00:31.760
Well. Like last week I was struggling. I was up

1040
01:00:31.800 --> 01:00:33.000
for forty eight hours straight.

1041
01:00:34.239 --> 01:00:34.920
Holy shit.

1042
01:00:36.239 --> 01:00:38.360
I just didn't want to sleep. My body was like, nope,

1043
01:00:38.360 --> 01:00:44.119
we're good, we're good, totally got this, and it was

1044
01:00:44.159 --> 01:00:44.480
just weird.

1045
01:00:44.840 --> 01:00:48.760
I get shaky if I go too long without food.

1046
01:00:49.199 --> 01:00:53.000
Yeah, it'll be like eat a candy bar? And what

1047
01:00:53.119 --> 01:00:55.079
did you have to a candy bar? That's it? I'm

1048
01:00:55.079 --> 01:00:57.920
like yep. He's like, did you have any water? Mm?

1049
01:00:59.599 --> 01:01:02.920
Did you have anything? And I'm like no.

1050
01:01:03.920 --> 01:01:07.000
Water is very important. Water is life.

1051
01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:10.079
Yeah, I don't have a lot of life.

1052
01:01:12.639 --> 01:01:16.599
And you have plenty of life. You're an amazing person.

1053
01:01:16.679 --> 01:01:21.639
I don't have a lot of water, though I am better.

1054
01:01:21.719 --> 01:01:25.199
So my my medicine does make me very thirsty. Okay,

1055
01:01:25.239 --> 01:01:27.760
So I make sure that I keep water by my

1056
01:01:27.840 --> 01:01:30.360
bed because in the middle of the night, if I

1057
01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:33.480
wake up, I'll drink my water. And then at work,

1058
01:01:33.559 --> 01:01:36.159
i've been very I take I fill up my to

1059
01:01:36.239 --> 01:01:40.159
go coffee cup, my merch cup with coffee, and then

1060
01:01:40.199 --> 01:01:45.119
after that I only let myself have water. So it's

1061
01:01:45.159 --> 01:01:49.000
either be thirsty or drink water. Yep, So it's been better.

1062
01:01:49.320 --> 01:01:51.840
That's what I do. I drink coffee first thing in

1063
01:01:51.880 --> 01:01:56.440
the morning at work when I wake up, go to work,

1064
01:01:58.119 --> 01:02:01.760
and then I'll start drinking my gall of water, and

1065
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:04.480
I'll have an energy drink every once in a while.

1066
01:02:04.480 --> 01:02:09.079
Actually it's been every day except for I don't drink

1067
01:02:09.159 --> 01:02:11.880
energy drinks on the weekends, but when I'm at work

1068
01:02:12.519 --> 01:02:14.239
because I'm so tired.

1069
01:02:14.320 --> 01:02:17.920
Yeah, at work, I work twelve now too, so I

1070
01:02:17.960 --> 01:02:18.679
feel your pain.

1071
01:02:19.000 --> 01:02:21.719
Yeah, there's times where I'm sitting there, like I'll have

1072
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:24.000
to literally pull over and I'll have to sit there

1073
01:02:24.039 --> 01:02:27.280
for ten minutes and I'll do a quick power in

1074
01:02:27.360 --> 01:02:29.280
app and I'm just like, fuck this.

1075
01:02:29.760 --> 01:02:33.960
Yes, okay, not whatever day it was two days ago.

1076
01:02:34.039 --> 01:02:36.559
And I also work nights, so when I go into work,

1077
01:02:36.559 --> 01:02:38.559
it's one day. When I leave, it's the next day,

1078
01:02:38.599 --> 01:02:40.119
and then whenever I go to sleep and wake up,

1079
01:02:40.159 --> 01:02:43.039
it's still the same day. So it really it's necessary. Ye.

1080
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:46.360
I never I never know what day it is. But

1081
01:02:46.559 --> 01:02:48.840
the other day, I got up and I got ready

1082
01:02:48.840 --> 01:02:50.039
and I was telling my over. I was like, I

1083
01:02:50.079 --> 01:02:52.440
am so I was driving into work and I can't Yeah,

1084
01:02:52.519 --> 01:02:56.320
see Hi, I just couldn't. I was so exhausted. And

1085
01:02:56.360 --> 01:02:57.880
I was on the phone with him, and I got

1086
01:02:57.920 --> 01:03:01.480
there and I told him I'm tired. I was like,

1087
01:03:01.519 --> 01:03:05.440
I've got twenty thirty minutes before I go in. I

1088
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:07.000
was like, I'm just gonna get off the phone. Normally

1089
01:03:07.079 --> 01:03:08.480
I talked to him, but I'm like, I'm getting off

1090
01:03:08.480 --> 01:03:10.400
the phone. And I put the seat back in my

1091
01:03:10.480 --> 01:03:13.159
car and I turned my alarm on and I took

1092
01:03:13.159 --> 01:03:14.960
a twenty minute power net because I was like, I'm

1093
01:03:14.960 --> 01:03:18.079
not gonna make it. I just can't. I just could

1094
01:03:18.119 --> 01:03:19.880
not do it. Now, all it took was twenty minutes

1095
01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:23.119
that I was good, but without that, I was toast.

1096
01:03:24.039 --> 01:03:28.559
And I know it sounds like a pain, but it

1097
01:03:28.639 --> 01:03:32.519
only lasts for a time, and their mood will stabilize

1098
01:03:33.039 --> 01:03:35.760
or will change and they'll go back to having more

1099
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:38.800
energy or feeling better. I know it's difficult, but when

1100
01:03:38.800 --> 01:03:41.480
you are dealing with people like us, just try to

1101
01:03:41.480 --> 01:03:46.920
remember it's temporary. It's just temporary. We'll get through it,

1102
01:03:47.639 --> 01:03:50.679
and even the small things make a huge difference. So

1103
01:03:51.039 --> 01:03:53.400
let them know that you're there for them no matter what,

1104
01:03:53.960 --> 01:03:57.599
and that you'll get through it together. Don't abandon them

1105
01:03:57.599 --> 01:03:59.719
because they're being hard to deal with, because they already

1106
01:03:59.760 --> 01:04:05.239
feel guilty enough because we I, I guess say we

1107
01:04:05.280 --> 01:04:09.840
as a whole. But I know that I am difficult

1108
01:04:10.400 --> 01:04:13.920
no matter how hard I try. I am difficult at

1109
01:04:13.960 --> 01:04:17.159
least part yeah, at least part of the time, and

1110
01:04:18.320 --> 01:04:23.159
I want so bad to fix it, but I can't.

1111
01:04:24.760 --> 01:04:30.119
Listen. There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah, okay, there's nothing

1112
01:04:30.199 --> 01:04:34.880
to fix. You just have to be you the best

1113
01:04:34.920 --> 01:04:39.719
way that you can be. Yeah, it's just and nobody

1114
01:04:39.760 --> 01:04:42.760
can be you better.

1115
01:04:41.840 --> 01:04:43.840
If I could be average, and.

1116
01:04:43.800 --> 01:04:45.000
That's what they average.

1117
01:04:45.199 --> 01:04:49.280
Average, though, I can I not just be normal or

1118
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:51.960
average or whatever. And he goes, he told me the

1119
01:04:51.960 --> 01:04:54.320
other day. He goes, to be honest, he goes, I'm

1120
01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:56.119
pretty sure if you were average or normal, I wouldn't

1121
01:04:56.159 --> 01:05:00.400
like you as much. I'm like, yeah, I guess one

1122
01:05:00.440 --> 01:05:02.039
way to look at it. There's never a dull moment.

1123
01:05:02.760 --> 01:05:05.199
It's always exciting. You don't ever have to cheat on

1124
01:05:05.280 --> 01:05:07.039
me because I could be five different people at once.

1125
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:14.519
Which one do you want? It's a surprise and so too.

1126
01:05:14.519 --> 01:05:16.440
I wanted to let people know I'm going to be

1127
01:05:16.480 --> 01:05:21.320
putting some resources down below, so please check them out

1128
01:05:21.400 --> 01:05:25.000
if you get a chance, use them, use them for yourself,

1129
01:05:25.159 --> 01:05:27.800
maybe refer to people. I've got one for better help.

1130
01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:29.880
They do a lot which they would just give me

1131
01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:35.079
a freakin' what do they call it where they sponsor me. Yeah,

1132
01:05:35.159 --> 01:05:37.159
there's a couple of just things down there about this

1133
01:05:37.239 --> 01:05:42.199
is stuff. There's Dbsalliance dot org. I've got mind dot

1134
01:05:42.280 --> 01:05:46.320
org UK informational support. It gets types of different health

1135
01:05:46.360 --> 01:05:49.880
problems and supporting people with that. So it'll give you

1136
01:05:49.920 --> 01:05:52.440
background information. Places where you can get help, and then

1137
01:05:52.440 --> 01:05:56.599
there's one that's specifically for how can you help people

1138
01:05:57.199 --> 01:06:01.000
that are involved in your life that have it, because again,

1139
01:06:02.039 --> 01:06:05.159
some people don't know. And with my job that I

1140
01:06:05.199 --> 01:06:10.960
have now, it has it's really hit me hard, to

1141
01:06:11.039 --> 01:06:14.360
be honest. So I work in an emergency department and

1142
01:06:15.239 --> 01:06:18.159
people come in on the EMS and I'm literally looking

1143
01:06:18.239 --> 01:06:21.559
at the sheet and they have the same diagnosis that

1144
01:06:21.599 --> 01:06:26.039
I have. And they come in and people are like,

1145
01:06:26.119 --> 01:06:28.800
oh my gosh, this person's nuts or oh they're like

1146
01:06:28.840 --> 01:06:31.480
off their rock or whatever. And I as a person

1147
01:06:31.800 --> 01:06:34.719
who's looking at the sheet, and I'm looking at the

1148
01:06:34.760 --> 01:06:39.880
person in front of me, and I'm like ho because

1149
01:06:40.599 --> 01:06:44.039
even I'm like, man, that's they're out there. But then

1150
01:06:44.079 --> 01:06:51.199
it's to that person, nothing is wrong, nothing's wrong to them.

1151
01:06:51.719 --> 01:06:54.079
They are one hundred percent in belief of whatever's going

1152
01:06:54.119 --> 01:06:56.239
on in their head. That is it and it's real.

1153
01:06:57.360 --> 01:06:59.800
And it's very hard for me because then I had

1154
01:06:59.800 --> 01:07:03.559
to question if I think I am better and I

1155
01:07:03.599 --> 01:07:07.000
think I am okay, do I really seem like that

1156
01:07:07.199 --> 01:07:12.280
to other people? And I just don't realize it. It

1157
01:07:12.480 --> 01:07:16.000
really it hit me hard when I started my job

1158
01:07:16.159 --> 01:07:20.159
because and then a lot of people don't have that. Understandingly,

1159
01:07:20.199 --> 01:07:22.039
they come in and I go this person, I'm like, no,

1160
01:07:22.159 --> 01:07:25.480
I get it, Like I understand this person's probably in

1161
01:07:25.519 --> 01:07:27.800
this phase and this is what's going on, but it

1162
01:07:27.920 --> 01:07:32.760
is very much an issue because I literally was like, oh,

1163
01:07:32.840 --> 01:07:36.880
because we don't always realize that we're being overbearing or

1164
01:07:37.679 --> 01:07:43.079
irritable and whatever, difficult or insecure or because to us

1165
01:07:43.199 --> 01:07:47.639
or like you're saying one thing, our brain is hearing something.

1166
01:07:48.239 --> 01:07:50.480
So one thing I have learned, if you have it,

1167
01:07:50.559 --> 01:07:53.400
if you know somebody who has it, this has been

1168
01:07:53.400 --> 01:07:57.679
a huge game changer for me. If you're getting frustrated

1169
01:07:57.840 --> 01:08:00.119
or the person you're talking to is getting frustrated, what

1170
01:08:00.159 --> 01:08:03.679
I tell people is this is what you said, and

1171
01:08:03.719 --> 01:08:07.360
this is what I heard. See, we got an agree in.

1172
01:08:08.360 --> 01:08:10.639
So I do that all the time because like then

1173
01:08:10.719 --> 01:08:13.360
I they might say something and they don't mean they

1174
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:15.920
don't mean it bad, but I take it the wrong

1175
01:08:15.960 --> 01:08:18.159
way and they're like, why are you freaking out? And

1176
01:08:18.199 --> 01:08:20.399
I'm like, what do you mean you said? This is

1177
01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:22.039
like that is not at all what I meant. I'm like,

1178
01:08:22.159 --> 01:08:24.239
this is what you said and this is what I heard,

1179
01:08:24.279 --> 01:08:26.479
and this is the reaction. So I'm like if that

1180
01:08:26.640 --> 01:08:28.720
is not what you meant to say to me, I

1181
01:08:28.920 --> 01:08:33.239
need you to change your words, because sometimes it's just

1182
01:08:33.279 --> 01:08:36.319
a matter of you can say the exact same thing

1183
01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:39.760
but use different words and it will not bother us.

1184
01:08:39.800 --> 01:08:43.319
But sometimes there's those trigger words that just set you

1185
01:08:43.359 --> 01:08:46.800
off and we don't know why, it's just it just is.

1186
01:08:50.239 --> 01:08:52.479
But yeah, so that's what I have on bipolar and

1187
01:08:52.520 --> 01:08:55.159
it's a mess. So do you have anything that you

1188
01:08:55.199 --> 01:08:56.079
wanted to add or.

1189
01:08:58.720 --> 01:09:02.560
I would love to add stop sexually abusing children. That

1190
01:09:02.600 --> 01:09:05.800
would be fantastic. I think that would be a very

1191
01:09:06.520 --> 01:09:11.680
large step in the help of mental health because sexual

1192
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:16.760
being sexually abused at a young age turns into a

1193
01:09:16.800 --> 01:09:21.279
lot of issues for that individual as they get older mentally.

1194
01:09:22.199 --> 01:09:26.880
Yeah, in the part of the life, I would Yes,

1195
01:09:27.159 --> 01:09:31.680
you don't abandon your children, Yes that too. Don't fight

1196
01:09:31.920 --> 01:09:35.600
parents like you can be separated and co parent effectively.

1197
01:09:36.680 --> 01:09:39.720
Stop putting, Stop trying to make the other parent the

1198
01:09:39.760 --> 01:09:43.279
bad guy. It is a team effort. If you want,

1199
01:09:43.640 --> 01:09:48.920
you can raise functional children and not have been like

1200
01:09:49.000 --> 01:09:51.600
in the same household, you can do that. It's possible.

1201
01:09:52.079 --> 01:09:54.239
Make sure you're part of their lives, make sure that

1202
01:09:54.359 --> 01:09:58.640
they are in a position where they feel safe to

1203
01:09:58.760 --> 01:10:02.119
talk to. You, judge them, don't make them feel bad

1204
01:10:02.199 --> 01:10:05.399
because somebody might be like, oh, I feel this way,

1205
01:10:05.439 --> 01:10:07.119
and they're like, oh, you shouldn't feel that way, or

1206
01:10:07.159 --> 01:10:11.279
oh it's specifically. Oh, for the love of God, do

1207
01:10:11.439 --> 01:10:17.800
not tell a little boy that it is not okay

1208
01:10:17.880 --> 01:10:21.520
to have emotions, It is not okay to talk about it.

1209
01:10:21.800 --> 01:10:24.119
You need girls and boys. I know girls are you

1210
01:10:24.159 --> 01:10:27.319
know that we talk a little bit more, but particularly boys.

1211
01:10:27.439 --> 01:10:32.279
They need to know that feelings are okay. It's not

1212
01:10:32.319 --> 01:10:36.560
gonna mean that they're weak or they are soft or anything.

1213
01:10:38.399 --> 01:10:41.920
It's just not and I it drives me insane when

1214
01:10:41.960 --> 01:10:43.600
people do that, Oh you had to be a tough poy.

1215
01:10:43.640 --> 01:10:46.960
Don't know. If you're doing that, you're raising a douchebag.

1216
01:10:47.960 --> 01:10:50.600
You're gonna raise somebody who they're gonna suppress everything, and

1217
01:10:50.600 --> 01:10:53.079
it's gonna cause problems later on in life. They need

1218
01:10:53.399 --> 01:10:57.039
children alike need to know there's a safe space. If

1219
01:10:57.079 --> 01:10:59.920
you cannot provide that safe space for them to talk,

1220
01:11:00.720 --> 01:11:04.319
find them one. If you're not comfortable talking to your

1221
01:11:04.359 --> 01:11:06.520
kid about this stuff and you don't want to be

1222
01:11:06.560 --> 01:11:08.119
open or you don't know if you can handle it.

1223
01:11:08.600 --> 01:11:12.600
Find someone. There are plenty of resources out there to

1224
01:11:12.720 --> 01:11:16.920
get them help if they need it or want it.

1225
01:11:17.720 --> 01:11:23.119
Yep, me become the person, become that safe person that

1226
01:11:23.199 --> 01:11:24.640
you needed when you were a kid.

1227
01:11:25.439 --> 01:11:27.359
Stop the cycle.

1228
01:11:28.039 --> 01:11:30.159
Better generational trauma for real.

1229
01:11:30.520 --> 01:11:33.680
Mm hmm. And I'm bipolar, and so I keep an eye.

1230
01:11:33.760 --> 01:11:35.479
I've been trying to keep an eye on my son

1231
01:11:36.359 --> 01:11:39.000
because I am aware of it and I know that

1232
01:11:39.039 --> 01:11:42.119
there's a risk that he can have the same some

1233
01:11:42.159 --> 01:11:44.960
of the same issues. I try to keep a close eye.

1234
01:11:45.680 --> 01:11:47.920
Is he going up or down? Is is this normal?

1235
01:11:48.000 --> 01:11:50.560
Is he like what's going on? Hey? And I am

1236
01:11:50.640 --> 01:11:53.079
very open with him. This is what's wrong with me.

1237
01:11:53.680 --> 01:11:56.079
Here's some of the stuff that like, this is why

1238
01:11:56.119 --> 01:12:00.359
I am this way sometimes with you? And what if

1239
01:12:00.359 --> 01:12:02.640
you are feeling this way? That's the other thing. If

1240
01:12:02.680 --> 01:12:07.920
you are feeling that way, there's nothing wrong with you.

1241
01:12:09.760 --> 01:12:14.039
There's nothing wrong with you. If you are struggling with X,

1242
01:12:14.199 --> 01:12:19.680
y Z, those thoughts and those emotions are totally normal,

1243
01:12:21.520 --> 01:12:26.520
totally normal. It's just what you do with them is

1244
01:12:26.560 --> 01:12:30.199
what is important. Okay, sorry, Tosh, talk over.

1245
01:12:32.800 --> 01:12:33.000
Here.

1246
01:12:33.359 --> 01:12:37.199
I also want to say that if you or if

1247
01:12:37.279 --> 01:12:41.560
you yourself or anybody else is struggling mentally A good

1248
01:12:41.600 --> 01:12:44.920
resources nine eight eight. I know you're going to put on.

1249
01:12:44.920 --> 01:12:45.640
My website too.

1250
01:12:45.720 --> 01:12:47.039
Yeah, I'm sure you're going to put it in the

1251
01:12:47.039 --> 01:12:50.520
show notes and stuff. But I think it's extremely important

1252
01:12:50.560 --> 01:12:53.359
here in the United States anyway. A nine eight eight

1253
01:12:53.439 --> 01:12:56.119
is a good resource. They'll even give you resources to help.

1254
01:12:56.159 --> 01:13:00.279
They'll even help you help somebody else, so you don't

1255
01:13:00.319 --> 01:13:03.359
have to be going through a mental crisis, but you

1256
01:13:03.479 --> 01:13:05.680
see somebody else and you don't know how to help them,

1257
01:13:05.760 --> 01:13:08.359
so calling them, they'll give you resources and stuff and

1258
01:13:08.399 --> 01:13:11.760
trying to help you with that. So I think that's important.

1259
01:13:11.840 --> 01:13:14.920
And another thing is that I love saying on my

1260
01:13:15.039 --> 01:13:20.319
show stay another day, You're only going to be transferring trauma,

1261
01:13:20.439 --> 01:13:22.439
and I know you don't want to do that. So

1262
01:13:23.039 --> 01:13:24.119
I think.

1263
01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:27.560
Whether whatever you believe in a god, a creator, or whatever,

1264
01:13:28.640 --> 01:13:34.520
whatever created this universe looked across this friggin this earth.

1265
01:13:34.279 --> 01:13:37.640
That it made and was like it needed one of you.

1266
01:13:37.880 --> 01:13:40.880
So boom, you hear your exists. You exist for a reason,

1267
01:13:41.199 --> 01:13:44.359
whether that reason be freaking to help somebody, like you

1268
01:13:44.520 --> 01:13:46.520
just say one word to somebody at some point in

1269
01:13:46.560 --> 01:13:49.640
your life and it just helps them for whatever reason,

1270
01:13:49.920 --> 01:13:53.199
Like yeah, it could be that. It could be that mundane,

1271
01:13:53.279 --> 01:13:56.479
but you you have a purpose. Everybody does, there's and

1272
01:13:57.159 --> 01:14:01.039
I just I think it's extremely important for everybody to

1273
01:14:01.119 --> 01:14:03.640
know that they are loved, even if they don't realize it.

1274
01:14:04.560 --> 01:14:10.079
I agree, And you never truly know. You could simply

1275
01:14:10.359 --> 01:14:15.199
open a door for someone, say hello, and you could

1276
01:14:15.239 --> 01:14:19.720
be what keeps that person from doing something.

1277
01:14:20.840 --> 01:14:21.840
And just a smile.

1278
01:14:22.239 --> 01:14:25.720
Yep, that's it. And they're like, oh, okay, have you

1279
01:14:25.760 --> 01:14:31.359
seen Bullet Train. Yes, I am a ladybug, and a

1280
01:14:31.399 --> 01:14:33.119
lot of times when I tell people I'm a ladybug,

1281
01:14:33.159 --> 01:14:34.960
nobody knows what I mean. So if you guys have

1282
01:14:35.000 --> 01:14:38.680
not seen Bullet Train the way they explain, because the

1283
01:14:38.720 --> 01:14:42.359
Brad Pitt's character, his handler calls him a ladybug and

1284
01:14:42.399 --> 01:14:44.840
for a long time he doesn't understand the meaning until

1285
01:14:44.880 --> 01:14:47.600
the end of the movie. Sorry, I'm gonna ruin it.

1286
01:14:48.760 --> 01:14:51.560
But the way she described it is a ladybug is

1287
01:14:51.600 --> 01:14:55.560
a person that soaks up all the bad luck so

1288
01:14:55.600 --> 01:14:58.159
that other people can get the good luck. Like they

1289
01:14:58.199 --> 01:15:03.319
are resilient, and they are they could persevere through anything.

1290
01:15:03.359 --> 01:15:06.079
So all these it seems like fluke accidents, which is

1291
01:15:06.119 --> 01:15:08.520
literally my entire life is a bunch of fluke accidents

1292
01:15:08.760 --> 01:15:11.239
like this shouldn't happen, Boom it happens. This shouldn't happen,

1293
01:15:11.239 --> 01:15:13.560
Boom it happens. They're like, how is this? I have

1294
01:15:13.760 --> 01:15:17.560
literally had one in a million situations at least ten

1295
01:15:17.600 --> 01:15:22.800
times in my life, and it's just it doesn't make sense.

1296
01:15:22.920 --> 01:15:24.960
But there's been a lot of people that because I

1297
01:15:25.000 --> 01:15:28.560
am so screwed up and I have been through so

1298
01:15:28.680 --> 01:15:32.680
much trauma, but I'm still like, people are like, how

1299
01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:35.640
are you even how are you even alive. I've had

1300
01:15:35.640 --> 01:15:37.920
people that are like, if I went through a portion

1301
01:15:38.039 --> 01:15:41.399
of that, I couldn't handle it. Yeah, But then I've

1302
01:15:41.439 --> 01:15:43.880
had people that are like, oh, if you can do that,

1303
01:15:44.600 --> 01:15:47.720
then I can do this. It's if your life sucks,

1304
01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:50.199
come talk to me, because I can make you feel

1305
01:15:50.199 --> 01:15:55.000
better about yourself real fast, like real fast. Only positive

1306
01:15:55.039 --> 01:15:57.439
thing with all this crap that I have gone through

1307
01:15:57.640 --> 01:16:00.960
is that I have had multiple people that are like,

1308
01:16:02.319 --> 01:16:04.800
if you had not said something, or you had not

1309
01:16:05.000 --> 01:16:06.640
been there for me to talk to, I would have

1310
01:16:06.720 --> 01:16:09.840
never gotten help. I would have never I would have

1311
01:16:09.880 --> 01:16:14.600
given up. I would have never gotten better. And not

1312
01:16:14.680 --> 01:16:18.159
that I'm doing I'm not doing anything except just being

1313
01:16:18.199 --> 01:16:23.439
open and honest about it. And sometimes, like you said,

1314
01:16:24.119 --> 01:16:28.399
maybe that's it. I have no idea I should I

1315
01:16:28.479 --> 01:16:33.159
literally should not be here. I medically should be dead.

1316
01:16:33.319 --> 01:16:37.760
On more than one occasion, the doctors you died, or

1317
01:16:38.239 --> 01:16:41.239
you should be dead. We don't know what's going on,

1318
01:16:41.399 --> 01:16:45.880
but here you are. And I go surprise every time,

1319
01:16:45.920 --> 01:16:47.880
and they always laugh at it because I'm like here

1320
01:16:47.920 --> 01:16:54.479
I am. But with you, I struggle because I if,

1321
01:16:54.640 --> 01:16:56.479
being honest, I do not have a lot of self

1322
01:16:56.479 --> 01:16:58.359
worth at all like.

1323
01:16:58.399 --> 01:17:01.560
I And if I could change that for you, I

1324
01:17:01.600 --> 01:17:05.399
would do that in a heartbeat. Because you use words

1325
01:17:05.439 --> 01:17:07.880
like I'm screwed up and stuff like that. You're not

1326
01:17:07.920 --> 01:17:10.920
screwed up. You're just a person. You're just a soul

1327
01:17:11.000 --> 01:17:15.560
experiencing a human experience and it's different for all of us,

1328
01:17:17.319 --> 01:17:22.039
and you're experiencing it in a way that is obviously

1329
01:17:22.039 --> 01:17:24.079
different than a lot of people. But that doesn't mean

1330
01:17:24.239 --> 01:17:25.119
you screwed up.

1331
01:17:26.680 --> 01:17:31.680
Yeah, it makes me feel so. I literally had this.

1332
01:17:31.960 --> 01:17:34.720
I had this assignment my therapist gave me and she said,

1333
01:17:35.039 --> 01:17:36.920
write down the things that you think is wrong with you,

1334
01:17:38.000 --> 01:17:40.319
and then you have to come up with at least

1335
01:17:40.359 --> 01:17:44.680
one way that could be positive? Yeap, how could that

1336
01:17:44.760 --> 01:17:47.880
trait be positive? I have been thinking about this for

1337
01:17:47.920 --> 01:17:50.399
three weeks and I have gotten nothing or no, I

1338
01:17:50.439 --> 01:17:53.760
got one. I got one thing that was it, and

1339
01:17:53.800 --> 01:17:59.520
it's just because to me, it's all. It makes me

1340
01:17:59.560 --> 01:18:02.399
hard to do with, It makes me quote a problem.

1341
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:04.960
People don't want to stick around me because I'm difficult.

1342
01:18:05.960 --> 01:18:08.119
The only thing I got is the fact that I

1343
01:18:08.159 --> 01:18:11.279
can multitask. Makes me really freaking good at my job

1344
01:18:13.000 --> 01:18:16.800
because I can handle all these things moving at once,

1345
01:18:18.520 --> 01:18:20.159
and that that pretty much sums it up.

1346
01:18:22.439 --> 01:18:26.399
I also think it makes you a stronger mother because

1347
01:18:26.520 --> 01:18:28.840
you can see the signs in your own children.

1348
01:18:30.720 --> 01:18:36.439
Tooche hats off, Thatt's off to Kevin. But yeah, and

1349
01:18:36.479 --> 01:18:39.560
sometimes just need a reminder. Like my boyfriend I, I

1350
01:18:39.600 --> 01:18:43.960
was struggling last night and this morning and I just

1351
01:18:43.960 --> 01:18:46.319
felt like a total failure. I've got a bunch of

1352
01:18:46.319 --> 01:18:48.840
crap going on and I just felt like I was failing.

1353
01:18:49.520 --> 01:18:51.000
And I told him, I was like, I'm just I'm

1354
01:18:51.000 --> 01:18:53.960
failing at everything. I'm not You're not a failure. And

1355
01:18:53.960 --> 01:18:56.079
I was like, I feel like a failure, Like I

1356
01:18:56.079 --> 01:18:58.560
feel like I'm failing my kid. This whole single parent

1357
01:18:58.600 --> 01:19:03.800
thing is freaking hard man, and he's is your kid fed?

1358
01:19:04.920 --> 01:19:05.439
Yeah?

1359
01:19:06.239 --> 01:19:09.920
Are the lights on in your house? Yes? And he's like,

1360
01:19:10.479 --> 01:19:12.319
do you have a roof over your head? Because I'm

1361
01:19:12.319 --> 01:19:13.760
pretty sure you don't live in a cardboard box. And

1362
01:19:13.800 --> 01:19:17.520
I'm like yeah. He's like, does he have clothes? Yeah?

1363
01:19:18.239 --> 01:19:22.039
Does that sound like a failure to you? I was like, shit,

1364
01:19:23.039 --> 01:19:26.920
I guess not. It sure feels that. It's just sometimes

1365
01:19:26.920 --> 01:19:30.359
like if you're struggling, sometimes it's all about perception.

1366
01:19:31.119 --> 01:19:34.880
Yep, that's all is yeah.

1367
01:19:33.920 --> 01:19:38.000
And sometimes it's all somebody needs to hear is Hey,

1368
01:19:38.279 --> 01:19:42.600
you're here with all this crap happening. You're strong enough

1369
01:19:42.640 --> 01:19:47.800
to still be here. They're like, oh, eventually it'll get better,

1370
01:19:47.800 --> 01:19:49.279
and I'm like, really, because I've been waiting for thirty

1371
01:19:49.279 --> 01:19:52.239
four years. Man, went to go to get better. I'm waiting.

1372
01:19:52.479 --> 01:19:54.079
Come on, man. I was like, there's no light at

1373
01:19:54.079 --> 01:19:55.199
the end of this tunnel. I was like, I'm just

1374
01:19:55.199 --> 01:19:59.000
getting an ass whooping the whole way through. But I

1375
01:19:59.000 --> 01:20:00.479
tell people I'll rest when i i'm dead, but then

1376
01:20:00.479 --> 01:20:02.520
I'm like, no, I'll probably haunt people, so I'll spend

1377
01:20:02.560 --> 01:20:05.079
all of eternity still want roaming around.

1378
01:20:07.640 --> 01:20:10.199
I'm sure you have plenty of good times in the middle.

1379
01:20:11.680 --> 01:20:16.359
Let's hope it's all kind of a blur. I am

1380
01:20:16.439 --> 01:20:18.800
ready to live because I feel like my entire life

1381
01:20:18.920 --> 01:20:24.119
I've never lived. I have only survived. Yeah, and that

1382
01:20:24.239 --> 01:20:30.199
is a very real feeling. But got anything else? Be good?

1383
01:20:30.600 --> 01:20:34.039
I'm good, all right again, Kevin, thank you so much

1384
01:20:34.079 --> 01:20:36.159
for being on. I really appreciate it. I've been wanting

1385
01:20:36.159 --> 01:20:39.000
to get something out there because I'm with you. We

1386
01:20:39.039 --> 01:20:41.520
both want to get that out there, get people some resources,

1387
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:44.560
let them know that they're not alone, and just arm

1388
01:20:44.640 --> 01:20:46.319
them with everything that we can to just make the

1389
01:20:46.319 --> 01:20:53.600
world a better place. Absolutely wow, Miss America. Sorry, world Peace,

1390
01:20:54.920 --> 01:20:59.800
mister geniality and world peace. But again, thank you. Everybody.

1391
01:21:00.239 --> 01:21:02.399
Check them out. I still got to give my hands

1392
01:21:02.439 --> 01:21:04.079
with some of that hot sauce. If I run into you

1393
01:21:04.079 --> 01:21:07.000
in any events, I definitely to hit you up. But

1394
01:21:07.079 --> 01:21:09.000
check them out. I'm gonna have a lease below as well,

1395
01:21:09.680 --> 01:21:18.720
but I guess until next time, everybody seeya nice. Thank

1396
01:21:18.760 --> 01:21:22.239
you for listening to this episode of Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy.

1397
01:21:22.640 --> 01:21:24.880
If you wouldn't mind, please take a moment and give

1398
01:21:24.880 --> 01:21:27.800
the show a five star review. Wherever you're listening I

1399
01:21:27.880 --> 01:21:30.039
know it might not seem like much, but it greatly

1400
01:21:30.079 --> 01:21:33.880
helps the show and allows people to find us more easily. Also,

1401
01:21:34.039 --> 01:21:38.279
head on over to www dot patreon dot com, forward

1402
01:21:38.319 --> 01:21:42.000
slash Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy and subscribe to any of

1403
01:21:42.039 --> 01:21:45.880
the tears. Members of the Big Show Tier get bonus materials,

1404
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personalized shout outs on the pod, add free episodes, access

1405
01:21:49.760 --> 01:21:53.920
to the private discord server, quarterly appreciation gifts, and a

1406
01:21:54.000 --> 01:21:57.119
chance to be on the show. Not to mention video

1407
01:21:57.239 --> 01:22:00.680
versions of the episode. Before you go, don't forget to

1408
01:22:00.720 --> 01:22:03.239
click the link in the description and grab yourself or

1409
01:22:03.239 --> 01:22:06.720
someone you know some self design merged by me, or

1410
01:22:06.720 --> 01:22:08.800
make a donation to help keep the show going and

1411
01:22:08.840 --> 01:22:13.119
fund future events and investigations. You can also follow us

1412
01:22:13.159 --> 01:22:18.600
on Facebook, Instagram, x, YouTube threads, and TikTok. If you

1413
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:22.960
have any questions, topic recommendations, or personal encounters, please send

1414
01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:26.600
them to Cryptids, Creeps and Conspiracy at gmail dot com

1415
01:22:26.800 --> 01:22:30.880
or submit them through the contact form at www dot

1416
01:22:30.920 --> 01:22:35.039
cryptidscreepsanconspiracy dot com. I would love to hear from you

1417
01:22:35.119 --> 01:22:39.279
and share your experiences on a listener episode. Just make

1418
01:22:39.319 --> 01:22:41.960
sure that you specify that I have permission to add

1419
01:22:42.000 --> 01:22:44.560
your encounter to the show and let me know whether

1420
01:22:44.640 --> 01:22:46.319
or not you would like your real name read or

1421
01:22:46.319 --> 01:22:50.079
an alias to maintain confidentiality. Thank you guys all again

1422
01:22:50.159 --> 01:22:53.399
so much for your support. Until next time, my friends,

1423
01:22:54.079 --> 01:22:55.920
see you